Wednesday, February 21, 2018

WEP: In Too Deep

                I have been watching the Write…Edit…Publish blog hop challenge from the sidelines for the last year or so. I had an idea for one last summer but never wrote it out. This story flowed so easily from my mind last month after seeing the theme, and I really wanted to share it. So, I am finally off the bench and joining in, yet I still somehow managed to sign up at the last minute because I’m a perpetual procrastinator. I think it is worth mentioning that this is the first time, as far as I can remember, that I am sharing a fictional story publically. It seems only fitting that this is also my 200th blog post. 




The Depth of the Ocean

                When Bonnie saw the ocean for the first time at age seven, she was astounded. The waves were so big and the water so cold. She was afraid to get too close at first, but her friend, Max took her hand and led her to the edge. They collected seashells together and played in the shallows for hours on end. Had she realized then that she would not see the ocean again for twelve long years, she may have enjoyed those days with Max a little more.

                Scott came along when Bonnie was nineteen. He seemed charming and sweet, and he brought her back to the ocean again. “It’s about time!” She thought because she had been dreaming of the ocean for years now and she deeply longed to not only go back, but to go out further in the water. Why had she been so afraid as a child? When she watched others who had been out in the deep blue, they never seemed afraid. Scott slowly and gently led Bonnie through the sand. She stepped timidly into the water and it was just as icy cold as she remembered, but she liked this easy pace as they let the water edge its way further up their bodies. It was nice until they were shoulder deep and suddenly, Bonnie was afraid again. “Will Scott really be able to help me navigate these waters when it’s too deep to touch bottom?” She wondered as she let go of Scott’s hand and swam back to shore.

                Then, there was Ethan, and he was so fun! Bonnie was always pleased to be around him and they even talked of the ocean one time. But, when she went out to the ocean again, Ethan was nowhere to be found and she realized that he never really wanted to go there with her.

                The years went on, and Bonnie was now in her late twenties having never gone out in the deep, as she watched so many others experience it before her. She was frustrated and desperately searching for the one to go with her. She thought she found him when she got to know Trevor. He was an all-around good guy; he would definitely be able to protect her from drowning. She would sit at the water’s edge and dream of going out with him. It came to a point when she was tired of waiting and dreaming, and she attempted to go out on her own, hoping Trevor would catch up eventually. She was neck deep when the tide started to pull her under. Bonnie nearly drowned that day. As she breathlessly crawled to the shore, she caught a glimpse of Trevor going in with someone else, and Bonnie realized he had never wanted to swim with her in the first place. It had all been a fantasy in her head. The waters became a much darker place after that.

                A few years later, Bonnie had formed a habit of taking sad strolls along the sand. She still liked to gaze at the ocean, but she dared not to enter it again. She sat and stared at the waters until she saw something out of the corner of her eye. There was someone else down the beach doing the same thing she was. He looked up and suddenly the sun started to rise creating a beautiful, shimmering glow over the smooth waters. He approached her and spoke of how he had always dreamed of going out where the water goes above your head. She enthusiastically told him she shared the same sentiment. Before she knew what was happening, they were walking hand in hand out into the clear, blue waters. It went from their ankles, to their knees, to their waists, shoulders, necks, and then it was the furthest point Bonnie had ever been. They plunged into the deep, no longer touching bottom, and it was the most freeing sensation Bonnie had ever experienced in her life. She felt as though they could swim all day and all night and never drown.

Word Count: 680, FCA
Photo is my own taken in Cape Canaveral, Florida

32 comments:

  1. First of all I'm delighted that you finally took the plunge (hahahaha) to publish your work of fiction. I thoroughly enjoyed it, with all its nuances and subtle ways of saying what you wanted to get across. I particularly enjoyed the meandering, diary like musings.

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    1. Thank you, Kalpanaa. I'm glad that you got my drift ;) I think the diary likeness comes naturally to me because that was the only writing I did a few years ago.

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  2. I am so glad that she kept going back until she found someone that would take the plunge with her. A beautiful story of hope and never giving up.
    Welcome also to the WEP. I believe you're going to love being a part of this group of writers. I can also promise you that your writing techniques will grow if you stick with it, and you will be amazed at what you can write about.
    All the best.
    Shalom aleichem,
    Pat G

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    1. Thanks Pat, I think WEP will be a great way to go in a bit deeper with my fiction. I guess I need to start thinking about the next theme. I'm glad you saw the hope in my story.

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  3. Life's journey may be long, even hard, but eventually... Love the imagery, the way you set the story, the analogy. It all works. Great first entry to the WEP. We're so glad you've added us to your writing habits. WELCOME!

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    1. Thank you for the warm welcome, Yolanda. Now that I have dived in, I better start getting some stories ready.

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  4. For Bonnie, going into the deep seems to have two meanings: literal as well as metaphorical. I'm glad she found her guy at last.

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    1. Olga, I'm glad my metaphor was well-perceived. I'm also glad Bonnie found her guy, I feel a bit envious of her.

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  5. I liked how you used the analogy of going in deep in the ocean with finding someone willing to be in a relationship. I almost thought they were merfolk.

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    1. Thank you, Deborah. Using merfolk would be an interesting direction for my story; I do like to dabble in fantasy writing on occasion.

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  6. It read well and smoothly
    the story of her it seems
    of how she found another
    to help fulfill her dream

    yet now I must ask you
    the kid in the bathtub scene
    was that something
    I made up in my dream

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    1. The kid another bloger sorry

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    2. Desk49, You had me confused for a minute, lol. It was nice to write a happy ending for Bonnie.

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  7. Hi Elizabeth - well done ... I was waiting for the horror to unfold. I'm still not sure I'd have done what she eventually did ... but it was good to feel her freedom as she swam in the deeper water. Loved the way each man passed her way and the reactions they had ... then her feelings as she dealt with each one's rejection. Clever - and good to meet you here - all the best ... Hilary

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    1. Thanks Hilary, nice to meet you as well! Bonnie's story could have turned out differently, but I prefer happy endings and it was fun to grant her that freedom in the end.

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  8. The freedom of swimming free with the right fish in the sea is the way to be. Can be a long road before one wades into the deep.

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    1. Pat Hatt, yes it can be a long road indeed.

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  9. Hey Elizabeth! It's always a honor to welcome a newbie to WEP. It is a great place to mingle with other writers and gain feedback on our work. I promise you your writing will grow as you're spurred on by others. We were all nervous at first, but I'm so glad you took the plunge, both literally and figuratively.

    So pleased this prompt was one that flowed. (Ha, me with the puns).

    Hope to see you around! Did you check out our next prompt? The Road Less Traveled. I'm loving that idea...

    Denise

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  10. Hi again. After all those puns, I forgot to actually say how I liked this story. It's a fresh idea. It has so many facets. As Deborah says, this could be a fantasy with merfolk. Sweet. But I liked your juxtaposition of finding love/finding a swimming partner...:-)

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    1. Thank you, Denise! I like your puns :) I enjoyed writing this story and I'm glad to share it. I will have to start thinking about the next prompt because I would like to get into a better flow of writing.

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  11. Such a great entry for your first posting with WEP. Welcome, hope to see more of your writings.

    Wow, this was deep, metaphorical. Loved how you phrased it, the structure, the flow, and the emotions. Everything tied together perfectly.

    Nicely done.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Dolorah!

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  12. I really liked the metaphor of the ocean and the pacing of the narrative here. It didn't feel like a 'first-time' flash at all, very well crafted. Great job!

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    1. Thank you, Nilanjana! I few years ago, I never thought I would attempt to write flash fiction, but now I find myself thoroughly enjoying it.

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  13. Love the metaphor of the ocean and your Mc's journey. There is a gentle flow to your story. I enjoyed the lull and the breeze, and going deep yet not drowning Excuse the puns here too. Welcome to WEP.

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    1. Thanks Adura! With this theme, it's hard to avoid the flow of puns.

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  14. I loved the way you showed her throughout her life as she searched for someone to go out into the deep with. I'm glad she finally found someone to take the plunge with her.

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    1. Thanks L.G., I'm also glad that Bonnie found her someone.

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  15. Sometimes all it takes for someone to get over there fears is the right person. Even though I'm curious to know if she has a fear of water overall (e.g. a swimming pool), or just the ocean?

    from:christopherscottauthor.wordpress.com

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  16. Love the photo, as I've been to Cape Canaveral. I had a fear of the ocean when young as well, since in Jacksonville and Daytona, the surf was quite strong at times. Enjoyed your story, and welcome to the WEP group!

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  17. 200? Way to hit that milestone!

    Really interesting story. I'm guessing that she was a ghost, and some next-place spirit finally came for her.

    I enjoyed reading this.

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  18. An interesting story, some mystery about who she eventually finds to go in the water with.

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