I have
considered writing about this many times, but I usually change my mind. Part of
me feels like no one will really care. Part of me feels that no one will really
understand. Part of me believes that my pain should be kept to myself because I
do not want it to be burden on anyone else. But maybe, there is someone out
there who does care, someone who does understand, or someone who needs to hear
about my heartache to help them realize they are not alone. So, that is why I
have chosen to share this in such a public manner.
Here’s the short summary of my story: In November 2018, I met a man. He swooped me off my feet with his smile and his kind words. We flirted, we had deep conversations, we hung out and played cards, and most importantly, we did devotionals and prayed together. He helped me get through my parents’ divorce. I treasured his companionship and his insights. He was everything I wanted. There is so much more, but I won’t go into all the details. Then, around February and March of last year, he started cutting me out of his life. He stopped the devotions, he stopped inviting me over for cards, he took away the key he gave me to his house, he stopped responding to most of my texts, and he would often give me the cold shoulder when we saw each other in person. The worst thing about all of this is that we were never officially in a relationship, so I guess he felt he had the right to take everything away with no explanation, no closure, nothing. It’s like he took me on this amazing trip, then abandoned me in the middle of the desert with no map and no water. It breaks my heart all over again just thinking about it.
I’m not asking for sympathy. I know I’m not the first person to feel this pain. I’ve gone through all the stages of grief multiple times. I can’t really say that I’m angry with him for breaking my heart into a thousand pieces, I did offer it freely to someone who never made a commitment to me. Be careful who you give your heart to, it’s not something you can just take back without scars. That is one lesson I have learned through all this. But, there is a more important lesson.
A lot happened over the last year: heartbreak, family issues, work issues, and Covid, among
other worldwide events. Through it all, there has been one, and only one,
constant in my life. That is Jesus Christ, my Savior. When literally all else
seemed lost, He was there. When I was crying my eyes out, face down in the
floor, He was there. When I felt as though I would never find hope on this
earth again, He was there. This has given all new meaning to the word,
Emmanuel, which we often hear around Christmas. God with us. God with me. I
would not be able to get up and go without God’s presence in my life. Under the
circumstances, I could never find peace and hope on my own, but He has truly
granted a peace beyond understanding within me. Yes, I have my up and down
days, but I will keep pressing on because I know that I am not alone.
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV
