Remedy for a Broken Heart

                I have considered writing about this many times, but I usually change my mind. Part of me feels like no one will really care. Part of me feels that no one will really understand. Part of me believes that my pain should be kept to myself because I do not want it to be burden on anyone else. But maybe, there is someone out there who does care, someone who does understand, or someone who needs to hear about my heartache to help them realize they are not alone. So, that is why I have chosen to share this in such a public manner.

                Here’s the short summary of my story: In November 2018, I met a man. He swooped me off my feet with his smile and his kind words. We flirted, we had deep conversations, we hung out and played cards, and most importantly, we did devotionals and prayed together. He helped me get through my parents’ divorce. I treasured his companionship and his insights. He was everything I wanted. There is so much more, but I won’t go into all the details. Then, around February and March of last year, he started cutting me out of his life. He stopped the devotions, he stopped inviting me over for cards, he took away the key he gave me to his house, he stopped responding to most of my texts, and he would often give me the cold shoulder when we saw each other in person. The worst thing about all of this is that we were never officially in a relationship, so I guess he felt he had the right to take everything away with no explanation, no closure, nothing. It’s like he took me on this amazing trip, then abandoned me in the middle of the desert with no map and no water. It breaks my heart all over again just thinking about it.

                I’m not asking for sympathy. I know I’m not the first person to feel this pain. I’ve gone through all the stages of grief multiple times. I can’t really say that I’m angry with him for breaking my heart into a thousand pieces, I did offer it freely to someone who never made a commitment to me. Be careful who you give your heart to, it’s not something you can just take back without scars. That is one lesson I have learned through all this. But, there is a more important lesson.

                A lot happened over the last year: heartbreak, family issues, work issues, and Covid, among other worldwide events. Through it all, there has been one, and only one, constant in my life. That is Jesus Christ, my Savior. When literally all else seemed lost, He was there. When I was crying my eyes out, face down in the floor, He was there. When I felt as though I would never find hope on this earth again, He was there. This has given all new meaning to the word, Emmanuel, which we often hear around Christmas. God with us. God with me. I would not be able to get up and go without God’s presence in my life. Under the circumstances, I could never find peace and hope on my own, but He has truly granted a peace beyond understanding within me. Yes, I have my up and down days, but I will keep pressing on because I know that I am not alone.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

February Question of the Month

The Question of the Month is a bloghop that occurs the first Monday of each month and it is hosted by Michael G D'Agostino from A Life Examined. For February’s question, Michael teamed up with the Lost and Found: Valentine’s Edition bloghop.

When have you lost or found love?

This will be a short one, so I’ll end it with some quotes. Basically, my answer is never. I have never been in love, at least not in a romantic sense. I’ve had some crushes over the years, but I was never in love with any of them, so I can't say I've lost love. The only true love that has found me so far is the love of Jesus Christ, my Savior. Would I like to fall in love some day? Of course! But, for now, I think God is still trying to teach me to find contentment in my singleness.





 

Onesimus

“I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, who became my son while I was in chains. Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me.” Philemon 10-11 (NIV)

You’re probably thinking, “What a strange choice for the letter O, who is this Onesimus?” Well, I’m glad you asked. We are introduced to this man in the short book of Philemon. There is not much written about him, but there is enough to piece together some of his story. We know that he was Philemon’s slave and he ran away. Then he met Paul, who was in prison at the time, and he became a Christian. The notes in my Bible say that Onesimus’ name means useful, and it appears he was very useful to Paul. Knowing that it was right for Onesimus to return to his master, Paul sent his new helper back with a plea to Philemon. Paul had also led Philemon to Christ, so he said that they were no longer master and slave, but brothers in Christ. Paul’s plea was that Philemon would be willing to forgive Onesimus instead of flogging or even killing him as was the custom. Paul even offered to pay any debt Onesimus had accumulated. Some scholars* believe that Paul was also subtly hinting that he wanted Philemon to be freed from slavery so that he could further assist Paul. I enjoy this story because it’s a basic example of what forgiveness and brotherly kindness look like. It shows that we are all in unity with Christ. “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus…there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:26, 28 (NIV)

 *Source- Holman, Illustrated Bible Handbook

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I am currently participating in the Blogging from A to Z April 2015 Challenge. My theme is life lessons from the Bible. You can find more information about the challenge by clicking on the badge to the right or click here for a list of participants. It has been an interesting experience so far and I have enjoyed finding and visiting other blogs. If you are a fellow participant, thanks for stopping by and feel free to leave a comment!

Ministry

“But we will give ourselves continually to prayer, and to the ministry of the word.” Acts 6:4 (KJV)

 "Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not.” 2 Corinthians 4:1 (KJV)

 I wrote about showing God’s love yesterday, and by being kind and showing compassion, we can open the door to share the Word of God. If we don’t show people that we genuinely care about their needs, they may not be receptive of the gospel. That is why I really admire missionaries who choose to live among the various peoples and do ordinary work. I know missionaries who are carpenters, nurses, English teachers, and cooks, among many other positions. They perform a service for the people and build relationships, and then, they share the gospel. But it does not have to be just missionaries who participate, it is the Christian’s ministry. As a Christian, I should be longing for others to come to know Christ; that is what I’m here for. Jesus said in His great commission: “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.” (Matt. 28:19-20, KJV) I like the end of that chapter, Christ is always with us, and we are not alone in sharing His ministry. 2 Corinthians 4 is also a great chapter on this subject.

Congratulations to all who have made it to the half-way point of this A to Z challenge with me. 13 letters down, 13 more to go! We can do it!

 

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I am currently participating in the Blogging from A to Z April 2015 Challenge. My theme is life lessons from the Bible. You can find more information about the challenge by clicking on the badge to the right or click here for a list of participants. It has been an interesting experience so far and I have enjoyed finding and visiting other blogs. If you are a fellow participant, thanks for stopping by and feel free to leave a comment!

Love

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

 1 Corinthians 13 is often called The Love Chapter because it explains what unconditional, agape love looks like. God showed us the perfect example of His unconditional love when He sent His only Son, Jesus Christ to die for our sins. God’s love is a remarkable thing, and through His example and by His strength, we can learn to love others the way Christ loves us. God tells us to not only love our families, but our neighbors, and even our enemies. It’s certainly not an easy task, but we have a great example to follow: “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8, NIV). Stop and think about the way you treat others throughout the day. Do you treat them with love and kindness? With indifference? With rudeness or anger? Even the smallest gesture or word of encouragement can be used to show God’s love to someone else.

On a side note, I thought it was noteworthy that I reached 1000 pageviews yesterday! I would like to thank two of my best friends (they know who they are) and a handful of family and friends I’ve met through church who have been my loyal readers since I started this blog. They are the ones who brought the first 600 views, and the rest have come with this challenge. Thank you all who have come to visit and I hope that you have enjoyed it so far!

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I am currently participating in the Blogging from A to Z April 2015 Challenge. My theme is life lessons from the Bible. You can find more information about the challenge by clicking on the badge to the right or click here for a list of participants. It has been an interesting experience so far and I have enjoyed finding and visiting other blogs. If you are a fellow participant, thanks for stopping by and feel free to leave a comment!

Redeemed, How I Love to Proclaim It

            Recently, after sharing his own testimony, Pastor Clay encouraged those who are Christians to share their own. A few weeks later, at the camp in Missouri, the counselors and campers were encouraged to share their testimonies during the girls’ nightly devotion. I had never really told anyone the full story until that night. I guess it's because I compare myself to others too much. I don't remember the specific date. I wasn't saved from a life full of regrets. Many testimonies people give include factors like those and I guess I always found mine to be uninteresting in comparison. In retrospect, I now know that my viewpoint has been wrong. Jesus Christ saved me from my sins. It doesn't matter how great or small those sins are in the world's eyes "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). So, getting saved was the most important thing I've ever done, and I will share my personal testimony.

            For most of the first 9 years of my life, I attended Mesa Baptist Church. I remember some of my Sunday school and singing in the children's choir. My more vivid memories come from AWANA on Wednesday nights. I remember practicing verses and struggling with praying in front of my mom. I also remember one night when the leaders invited us to accept Jesus in our hearts and I raised my hand and was led to another room with some other kids. I was 6 and I really didn't understand what was happening. I knew who Jesus was, but I didn't have a grasp on what it meant to be saved. A few years later, my family moved and we had a hard time finding a new church. I still wanted to be involved in AWANA, so my dad took me to a new church on Wednesday nights, but the rest of my family didn't come. During those years, my family was struggling a lot. We would attend church together some Sundays, but it was always somewhere different. We tried my cousins' church for a while, we tried local churches, and we even went with a family friend, but his church was a little too far. Eventually, Sunday church seemed to fade out except when I visited my grandma, who was as devoted to her church family as she was to her ailing husband. Despite the spontaneity of my church attendance, it seemed that one message still rang through everywhere I went. God loves me, He has a plan for me, and He sent His Son to die on the cross to save me. I think understanding finally hit me after my cousins were baptized when I was 10 or 11. I remember asking questions about what they were doing and my mom explained that baptism was a visual representation of salvation. I don't know how much time passed after that, but I do remember reading my Bible one night in my bedroom, and I fully understood that I was lost and needed a Savior. I remember talking with my mom and I accepted Jesus into my heart that night and I was excited! I brought my Bible over to my neighbor's house the next day and tried to lead her and my brother in a salvation prayer. Only God knows if they really understood what I was so excited about or what the words they repeated meant, but I hope that I at least planted a seed. Since I was not a member of any particular church, I was not baptized until my family moved to Oklahoma. Although baptism is not necessary for salvation, it does symbolize the cleansing and new life God gives us when we are saved, and I was glad to finally feel like I was a part of the church body. That is the story of how God saved me. I wish I would have shared sooner, I felt so free after sharing with the girls in Missouri. I also wish I would have had a better grasp of time when it happened; I think it was part way because I was homeschooled for 3 years and I had no sense of time or what day it was or even the month! It took me many years before I began keeping track of time. :)

            If you are reading this and you don't understand what I'm talking about, then I would be happy to show you some more verses from the Bible that explain our sinful nature and our need for salvation. We all are like lost sheep in need of a shepherd to save us. I don't really think there's a right or wrong way to pray, you just need to admit to God that you are a sinner and that you believe with all your heart that His Son, Jesus Christ, died on a cross for our sins and He rose from the grave on the third day. Salvation is a gift from God, and if you accept His sacrificial gift, you can be saved from an eternity in Hell. If you are a Christian, then I challenge you to share your salvation testimony with at least one other person. It truly feels great to let others know what God has done for us. Like one of my pastors likes to say: if God never blessed you after the moment of your salvation, you are still blessed and have a reason to be joyful! I have been blessed in so many ways beyond my salvation, and I know I’m not usually the brightest light to others, so this challenge goes to myself as well. We do have joy and hope and even if circumstances are tough, we know that one day we will all be in Heaven. Let’s share this message that God has commissioned to us so that others may join us.

“Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you; and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.” Matthew 28:19-20

A Life Worth Remembering

            This has been on my mind since my church’s ladies’ retreat back in September. The theme was “A Legacy to Remember” and each of us was asked to name someone who left a legacy in our lives. Almost half of the women present, myself included, named our grandmothers. With Christmas just around the corner, I can think of no better time to celebrate the life of my mother’s mom and remember all those childhood Christmases I spent at Grandma’s house. I was only 12 years old when she died, so I was too young to notice some of her character traits. But, looking back, I can see some of those qualities that make me wish I still had her here today.

Louise Swoboda was a devoted wife. Granddaddy had a stroke before I was born, and it got to the point that Grandma could not handle taking care of him by herself, so she put him in a nursing home. Whenever I came to stay a few weeks over the summer with Grandma, she would go to the nursing home to visit Granddaddy at lunchtime, every single day. I would sit in the floor and play with Polly Pockets or explore the corridors with the nurses. Sometimes she would bake cookies for him and his roommate. I remember one time that my cousin, Susan, and I got into an argument over who would give the cookies to Granddaddy and who got stuck with the stranger. When it came to Thanksgiving or Christmas, Grandma would take Granddaddy home to celebrate with the family. I remember he slept in his old chair most of the day, but now I know that those were probably some of their favorite days, spending time at home together. Granddaddy died in July of 1996, and Grandma died a few months later. She was so devoted to her husband that she didn’t want to live without him.

Louise Swoboda cared about people. She was very giving, not only with gifts, but with her time. I got an extra aunt because my Grandma took her in as an “adopted” daughter. Mary loved Grandma as her own mother because of the care and time that she gave Mary’s family. I have almost as many memories with my “adopted” aunt as I do with my real aunt. I asked my mom about my grandma, and I found out Mary wasn’t the first. Grandma had a heart for teens and young women. She would invite them in her home and provide them with a meal and Godly counsel. I remember getting to know the small town of Globe, Arizona pretty well. Whenever I stayed with her, she would always be visiting someone. She liked to play dominoes with some ladies her age, she visited the homes of her pastor and his wife and their grown children, and she would even visit with and get to know some of the other residents in the nursing home. At home, she kept herself busy with phone calls, writing letters, baking, and caring for grandchildren. And she didn’t keep these traits to herself; she passed them on to those she came in contact with. She taught me and Susan how to decorate Christmas cookies, and more importantly, how to share with others and that giving is much better than receiving.

Louise Swoboda was a faithful servant, and her life is an example of her love for others. She was truly the matriarch who held our family together. Maybe she didn’t do everything perfect, but her love for God allowed her to become a great woman, at least in the eyes of those whose lives she touched. This will be my 15^th Christmas without her, but I hope that her legacy will live on in my life.

With love to Grandma Louise (Ryan) Swoboda, you are and shall continue to be greatly missed. One day we will meet again in Heaven. Thanks for the treasured memories here on Earth.