IWSG: Memories of Writing

Time for another posting with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group, where writers can share their insecurities and encourage one another. IWSG was founded by Alex J. Cavanaugh and we share our posts on the first Wednesday of the month.

The IWSG question for November is: How has your creativity in life evolved since you began writing?

That is a good question! It is fun to take a walk down memory lane through my writing history. This is one of those moments when I wish I still had my first stories I wrote in 6^th grade. I cannot remember what they were like, but I know that my imagination ran wild when I was a child. I had a lot of ideas in my head before I started writing, and I still remember some of the worlds I would pretend to be in when I played. I have some of my high school diary entries, which do not include a lot of creative writing, unless you count the number of ways I fantasized about “accidentally” bumping into my crushes. I have a couple cute stories I wrote for my 11^th grade English class. They lack details, but I included some interesting ideas.

 In college, most of my writing was for assignments and tests. A couple of my professors applauded my writing skills, but I’m assuming they were referring to my grammar, because most of my chapter reviews or summaries were complete BS. After rereading some of my homework, I never realized I was so talented at making it sound like I actually read the textbook. Beyond required writing, I wrote a lot of emails during those years, since I was away from my friends.

The most consistent writing I have done over time has been keeping a diary or journal. It seems I have matured in how I approach my journaling. I use it to work through my emotions, to write out prayers, or just to get all of my thoughts out of my head. Sometimes journaling inspires me to work on my fiction stories or poetry. It also inspired some of my past blog posts. I started this blog in 2010, and I actually enjoy reading many of my old posts. I used to think that I’ve lost some of my creative ability, but I think my real problem is that I have been more distracted in recent months than I was eight years ago. My focus has been off of writing. I still add ideas to my list, but I have not actually sat down to work on those ideas. My most creative writing pursuits of the last two years have been my WEP entries and a fantasy story I occasionally work on.

I have found other creative pursuits. From time to time I work on craft and sewing projects. My biggest pursuit lately has been photography. I have always enjoyed pictures, and after getting myself addicted to Instagram about a year ago, my picture taking has increased exponentially. I feel that photography is in a similar plane to writing, because it’s another way of expressing oneself. Also, my pictures make me want to write more – to write about the feelings and experiences behind the photos. 

IWSG: Plan? What Plan?

Happy New Year! It’s time for the first post of 2018 with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group, where writers can share their insecurities and encourage one another. IWSG was founded by Alex J. Cavanaugh, and we share our posts on the first Wednesday of the month. We are given an optional question to answer each month, and this is the question for January:

What steps have you taken to put a schedule in place for your writing and publishing?

            That is a very convicting question. What steps have I taken? What plans have I made for writing? I certainly did not have a schedule or plans in place last year, and I haven’t gotten very far with my writing. I’ll be honest, there are many moments when I don’t feel like much of a writer at all. I rarely have the energy or the patience to sit down and write most days. As an introvert working in an extroverted environment, I usually feel so drained at the end of each day. I can’t concentrate. I can’t recall my ideas. I can’t write. Believe me, I have contemplated quitting my job and diving into an entrepreneurial lifestyle many, many times. I stay because I’m scared of losing my financial security. Other part-time writers somehow manage to balance their time, and I do not know how they do it. I have tried different methods and nothing seems to stick, except journaling. I do tend to write out my thoughts, prayers, and feelings on a regular basis. The problem is that those journal writings are deeply personal, and I’m not comfortable sharing most of them. But, at least I have been getting some writing done.

            As the New Year was approaching, I was thinking about my current works in progress. My “quiet book” is still on hold right now. I have a handful of short stories that I have started, and one story I would like to fix up. I also have some non-fiction writing and poetry I could work on. It’s not the ideas that I’m lacking. It’s more of a lack of motivation to sort through it all and get those ideas in a presentable form. What are some methods you use to motivate yourself when you lack the energy to write?

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.” –Neil Gaiman

“If you have other things in your life—family, friends, good productive day work—these can interact with your writing and the sum will be all the richer.” – David Brin

IWSG: One Step at a Time

 

            Time for another posting with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group, where writers can share their insecurities and encourage one another. IWSG was founded by Alex J. Cavanaugh and we share our posts the first Wednesday of the month. Congratulations to the IWSG for making it on the 100 Best Websites for Writers list!

            I thought about being discouraged and talking about my typical lack of time and motivation, and how it is already March and what I have I done with my writing so far this year? But, you know, things are not always as bad as they seem. Change will come, but sometimes it only comes in small baby steps. Have I met my goal of writing every day? Not yet, but I do find myself making notes of ideas more often and I have written quite a bit in my journals. Journaling may not always feel like writing because it is not usually for others to see, but I think there is power in unleashing those inner thoughts and it taps into your source of creativity. Beyond journaling, I have made some decisions and plans for my writing this last month. The most immediate is that I decided I will attend the monthly writer’s group meeting at my local library tomorrow. From the way the librarian described the group, it sounds like a critique group, and I thought I would just sit in this time to see how it goes. I’m a little bit nervous, but I think it is a good step forward for my future writing pursuits. I will reveal my other plans and steps as I reach them. One step at a time.

Pixabay.com

March’s question is: Have you ever pulled out a really old story and reworked it? Did it work out? I did not think I had much of an answer to this, because most of my fictional writing is from the last couple years, besides a few from high school and college. Of course, there is my ongoing “quiet book” that I started collecting notes for about 10 years ago, but it has not entered the drafting phase yet. Today, I was looking through my high school (and beyond) diary, and I was actually thinking about how some of those early entries would make a pretty comical preteen book. I’m thinking something along the lines of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, but I’ll have to wait to see if that will work out or not. I have a long list of other projects to work on ahead of it. One step at a time. :)

IWSG: Overcoming Writer's Block

              Time for another posting with the Insecure Writers Support Group, where writers can share their insecurities and encourage one another.  IWSG was founded by Alex J. Cavanaugh and we share our posts the first Wednesday of the month.  The co-hosts for September are Julie Flanders, Murees Dupé, Dolorah at Book Lover, Christine Rains, and Heather M. Gardner.

             I said last month that I would give an update in this post on how I did with time management and keeping up with this blog. Well, I did not really take into consideration the fact that I had gum graft surgery in mid-August and how tired I would feel. I did manage to get one good day in for responding to my comments, visiting those who left a comment, and even catching up on a few others I follow. So, that's better than only catching a few followers sporadically throughout the week! My main insecurity at the moment is with my gums, which I have already written about in my last two posts. I just pray that the surgery has done its job and the new gums will take, but only time will tell.

              Since I'm not feeling particulary insecure in my writing, I thought I would share something that has helped with writer's block moments and just clearing my head. Emails or notes to a friends have helped inspire ideas. If I share some advice or a train of thought with my friend, I sometimes see how I could expound upon it and turn it into a blog post or an addition to my book ideas. Writing letters to various people in my life (like roommates, bosses, crushes) has also helped. Most of those letters are never actually given to the adressee, but venting out frustrations or feelings on paper can help bring some ideas to the surface. I have also written out prayers, especially in moments of distress over my circumstances or worries of the future. When I look through my prayer journal entries, I realize how much writing it out can help me calm down and bring out some revelations to the surface. I have seen it in my regular journal/diary entries as well; there was even one time that I started writing with so much frustration and venting about a horrible day and I ended up turning it into a prayer of thanksgiving. Writing has definitely proven to be a great tool for focusing and calming my mind. So, if you are feeling stuck, just keep writing, usually something good will show up!

            Besides letters or journals, I enjoy writing prompts from time to time. I came across this article recently and thought it had some fun prompts: 30 Days of Writing Prompts
 

 

Feeling Rather Tired

            The last two weeks have passed in a whirlwind of sleepiness.  Ibuprofen seems to have a groggy effect, even on those days when I only take two capsules all day.  So besides that side effect, I thought I would give an update on my gum graft surgery since my post early last week.

            Last Monday, after work, I had to do some much-needed grocery shopping for liquid and soft foods.  I found quite a few decent things and besides my brother’s smoothies, my favorites have been some various flavors of Greek yogurt, mashed potatoes, and the surprisingly-soft Oscar Meyer Carving Board Chicken.  The first couple days back at work were pretty tough, my mouth would start getting pretty irritated halfway through the day, and then I was starting to worry that being at work would cause too much stress and that the graft might not take.  I tried to take it extra easy in the evenings and I would just read and relax.  I felt much better by last Thursday on my day off, and I was able to get a few things checked off my to do list.  I spent that evening with my good friend Lauren and helped with her children, including Victoria (click here to read about the power of prayer in Victoria’s life).  Tori is doing well, she still has to work with a speech therapist, but other than that, she acts like a normal two-year-old.

            Last Saturday, I participated in Conquer the Gauntlet, which was quite a challenging experience.  I searched online to check that it was ok to exercise after my surgery, and the general consensus seemed to be between 24 hours to 4 days after surgery that it is fine.  Since it had been 9 days and my mouth was feeling almost normal, I figured I was alright.  Conquer the Gauntlet is a 4 mile course with 29 highly challenging obstacles most of which involved climbing.  I would not have made it through without the help of the team I was with.  We had to push and pull each other up on some of the obstacles and it was a great lesson on community and endurance.  Some people from my church participated and we talked about how it relates to our walk with Christ at Sunday school the next day.  I was sore and bruised afterwards, but I’m glad I decided to still do it despite my surgery.

            Let’s fast forward to this Thursday, I had my post-op appointment to get my stitches removed.  It was surprisingly short and my doctor said that everything looked good and that the graft was taking well.  Praise the Lord!  I still have to be gentle with the gums on my lower front teeth, but I am just grateful that the mental stress of work and the physical stress of the Gauntlet did not have negative consequences on my mouth.  It is amazing what our bodies can endure!  Besides having to eat with more delicacy, I think I should be getting back into my normal routine of trying to balance everything in my life, lol!

“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 15:5-6 (NIV)

The Waiting Game

Wow! Has another month already passed? I really intended on writing more than once a month, but once again, the time has escaped me. Anyway, I was trying to think of a good topic for today and well I guess I’ll write about something that God has been trying to teach me for a long time. It’s a word I’m sure everyone has had their share of struggles with: patience. I’ve been having a hard time waiting for something (anything) to change in my life, especially over the last few months. It seems like most days are just the same old thing repeated over and over again, like I’m stuck in the movie Groundhog Day except I’m still getting older. I’m talking about things that are mostly outside of my control like a husband coming into the picture or a principal calling to offer me a teaching job. I know that I do have control over some things like my attitude or my walk with God, which still take a lot of patience and self-control to change. I was looking through my diary again and came across a few times when God was reminding me to be patient. So, here are some of my own words from 5 years ago (I was writing about this guy I liked at the time):    

I kept thinking about how easy it was to talk to him. It’s like we clicked or something…All this was swarming through my head and I’m thinking “he could be the one!” Then, I’m not exactly sure how to describe this, but this feeling, an overwhelming thought came into my head, it was almost like it was shouting at me: “WAIT!” I would think about him some more and then again, “WAIT!” I have always been praying about my future husband and for God to give me patience as I’m waiting for him. I’m not completely sure, but I really think that it was God telling me not to worry about that then and to wait for something to happen.

Well, now I know that this was God’s way of trying to get my attention away from that guy because he was not right for me. I’m glad I listened and didn’t attempt to push myself into a relationship with him. Like I wrote in Fasten Seatbelts, Please, I was tempted to try to take the controls of my flight, but I trusted in God’s path instead. About a year and a half later I wrote this about my job: “I do need to just make the best of my current situation and trust God and wait on Him to get me through it and into His ultimate plan for my life.” That sounds like a familiar message and I wrote that in 2007! It sounds a lot like some of the verses that I’ve been repeating to myself and in this blog the past few months. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Also, Philippians 4:11: “for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”

There are so many examples from sermons I heard and books I read lately that continue to remind me to have patience. But, I think I’ll end this post with one more excerpt of my own words, this time from 2009, but they still hold true in my life today:

I guess I really do need to find contentment with God in the here and now instead of constantly longing for tomorrow. This is where God has me right now and things might change soon or they might not, but what really matters is that I allow God to work on my life today and let tomorrow take care of itself. "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34). I’ll leave you with a prayer (from Fame by Karen Kingsbury) that really is perfect for me right now: "God, please now my future see, make it clear where I should be. Open windows, close the doors, not my will, my God, but Yours."

For another post on this topic, go to When Will This Chapter End?

When Will This Chapter End?

Well, I’m back in that writer’s block mode, and I’ve been here the past few weeks. Maybe it’s not really writer’s block, but a lack of motivation. I just can’t seem to get myself to put words to all the ideas floating around in my head. I guess I need to read my last entry again…So, since it’s been a while since I last posted, I thought I’d share something personal. This is some journaling I did about 2 years ago. It’s funny looking back at things I wrote. Part of me still feels the way I did, longing for a change of pace, but, at the same time, I feel like things have changed since then. The changes are just more gradual and inward instead of major changes in circumstances. Anyway, here it is:

I’ve got to hand it to all the great authors out there. They put words together in such amazing ways. Not only do they create great stories but they also create a mood, a feeling, a sense of adventure. I love the stories that just suck you right in and you just yearn to be there with the characters.  Sometimes reading those books isn’t a good thing for me. It makes my life seem so much more meaningless and purposeless when I know it really isn’t. I know God has some sort of purpose in my life, but the waiting is just killing me. I want something exciting to happen, something magical. I just wish I could have my own adventure, something novel-worthy. Not all the books I’ve read are fantasies with wizards and hobbits; I’ve read some realistic and historical fictions with situations that really could happen. Those stories really make me long for change in my life. Where’s my Mr. Darcy? I wish I could attend an old-fashioned 19^th century ball, why is most of today’s dancing so horrible and sexual? And why do you always have to have a date if you want to dance?

Really, I do just want something different to happen to me, no more than that…something life-changing. Something that makes a major difference in my life that’s good. A change for the better. I just feel like I’m in an in-between place right now and it feels like I’ve been stuck here forever. When I graduated high school this is not the kind of life I pictured myself living at this point. I should be married, I should actually be doing a job that feels meaningful that I enjoy. After last year’s teaching experience, just the idea of going back to an elementary school makes me cringe. I know that it was my first year, and it was a kindergarten class in an inner-city school, but it’s still hard to completely convince myself that things could be different. And as for a husband, I only wish I had a slight hint of who or when, but it just seems so far away. I realize that things can happen fast; that major life-changing events can take place within a short time span. But, that still doesn’t make me feel any better about it right now. Obviously, I still have some kinks to work out and I know what some of them are. I know God wants me to be fully prepared, and I hope I will be and that my husband will also be ready for me. Maybe my story is not a great adventure, maybe it never will be…but it is my story and with God as the author, it will turn out exactly how it is supposed to. I guess I just need to take comfort in that.