IWSG: Plan? What Plan?

Happy New Year! It’s time for the first post of 2018 with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group, where writers can share their insecurities and encourage one another. IWSG was founded by Alex J. Cavanaugh, and we share our posts on the first Wednesday of the month. We are given an optional question to answer each month, and this is the question for January:

What steps have you taken to put a schedule in place for your writing and publishing?

            That is a very convicting question. What steps have I taken? What plans have I made for writing? I certainly did not have a schedule or plans in place last year, and I haven’t gotten very far with my writing. I’ll be honest, there are many moments when I don’t feel like much of a writer at all. I rarely have the energy or the patience to sit down and write most days. As an introvert working in an extroverted environment, I usually feel so drained at the end of each day. I can’t concentrate. I can’t recall my ideas. I can’t write. Believe me, I have contemplated quitting my job and diving into an entrepreneurial lifestyle many, many times. I stay because I’m scared of losing my financial security. Other part-time writers somehow manage to balance their time, and I do not know how they do it. I have tried different methods and nothing seems to stick, except journaling. I do tend to write out my thoughts, prayers, and feelings on a regular basis. The problem is that those journal writings are deeply personal, and I’m not comfortable sharing most of them. But, at least I have been getting some writing done.

            As the New Year was approaching, I was thinking about my current works in progress. My “quiet book” is still on hold right now. I have a handful of short stories that I have started, and one story I would like to fix up. I also have some non-fiction writing and poetry I could work on. It’s not the ideas that I’m lacking. It’s more of a lack of motivation to sort through it all and get those ideas in a presentable form. What are some methods you use to motivate yourself when you lack the energy to write?

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.” –Neil Gaiman

“If you have other things in your life—family, friends, good productive day work—these can interact with your writing and the sum will be all the richer.” – David Brin

5 Weird Things About Me

            I’ve said this before and I’m saying it again: Where does the time go?! I think this heat and humidity is really getting to me. I constantly feel lethargic and am unable to focus on anything for very long. I honestly don’t think Twitter has helped very much. It’s just another distracting feed like Facebook, so I have added it to my “distractions to avoid” list, which includes most of the internet. Speaking of the internet, my computer decided to do some avoiding for me and would only load email and a couple other websites no matter which browser I was using. After over a week of being unable to visit many sites and giving up on my computer time most days, I finally researched my problem on my phone (since Google results could not load on the computer). I had to do some high tech computer manipulation with the command prompt, but I got it working again, at least for now.

            Anyway, Barbara from Life & Faith in Caneyhead has challenged me to name 5 weird things about myself. So, no Flashback Friday today, and sorry Barbara for my delay. I sort of had a hard time narrowing down my list, because being introverted and geeky automatically adds a lot of weird quirks, but here are the things I have chosen to share today:

5 Weird Things About Me

• When I was 5 years old, my dream job was to be a mom. I considered a couple other options in my teen years, but since then, being a stay-at-home mom has still been my dream.
• I enjoy playing video games. I have logged the most hours with Legend of Zelda and Star Wars: The Old Republic.
• I absolutely hate making phone calls! I sometimes have a hard time talking myself into calling my best friends, and if I am forced to call an insurance company or patient at work, I nearly have a panic attack.
• I live in Oklahoma, but I don’t like biscuits and gravy or Dr. Pepper, which apparently makes me weird in this state. I guess it’s because I was not born here :)
• I have an eclectic assortment of interests and I tend to have a hard time picking favorites. For example, if you ask me my favorite movie/book/song/pastime, I’ll ask you to name a genre, and then if I enjoy that genre, I’ll name at least three things that I like in that category in no particular order.

Since I’m joining in a little late, I won’t tag anyone else, but feel free to share your own oddities in a comment or let me know if you have already participated.

Change is Coming

            I started writing out a fairly long post for today until I came to my conclusion and realized I cannot share it publicly, at least not right now. To sum it up, I was thinking over the last year or so and realized that I have not been handling things very well. I've allowed changes in my job to make too much of an impact on more important areas of my life. In my conclusion, I realized what needs to be done in order to reclaim my life. But first, there are a few steps I'll have to take to reach that point. If you pray, please think of my unspoken request in your prayers and pray that if this is God's will for my life that He will work out the details involved.

            In the meantime, I am trying to push myself back into the blogging and social media world. I've been lurking around most of this year without making very many attempts to connect with people. I do get tired of being a hermit, but like in physical conversation, online networking can wear me out. I guess I've taken my introversion to a new level, but really, once I get into commenting on posts again, it's not so bad. It is certainly easier than talking to people in person. I plan on eventually getting a new profile picture up and possibly changing my blog name, if I can come up with something. Until then, I have many future post ideas that are still lingering in my head, and writing my thoughts out today has helped me feel more motivated, even though I cannot share it all just yet.

 

*I hope everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving! I will see you next week with my Flashback Friday post. *Have you ever come to a point where you know you have to make some changes in your life?

IWSG: Why I Love Writing

 

            Time for another posting with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group, where writers can share their insecurities and encourage one another. IWSG was founded by Alex J. Cavanaugh and we share our posts the first Wednesday of the month. The IWSG poses a question for us to answer in our monthly posts. Here is November's question:

What is your favorite aspect of being a writer?

            I have been thoroughly reminded of why I love writing over the last few weeks. I was writing my story for the anthology contest, and once I finally got the plot working, I found the time to finish it. I have been in a slump the last few months and I kept telling myself I don’t have time to write. But, my actual problem was that I wasn’t making the time. Having a motivated purpose (i.e. contest deadline, topic I enjoy, journaling) makes the time blocks so much more apparent. Not that I don’t have something I could be writing during those times every day, but sometimes, I need an extra push.

            Anyway, back to the question at hand. What I love about writing is that it is a form of release and of expressing myself. As a socially-awkward introvert, I tend to hold up a lot of thoughts and feelings inside my head throughout the day. I have had many moments where I just have to unleash the anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, excitement, joy, etc., or I might just burst. That is why I find journal entries, story ideas and starts, and prayers written or typed out everywhere. I use whatever paper or note-taking app is near me when the urge comes. I also love it when something comes together to a point that it’s worth sharing. I have a lot of ideas that seem interesting, but sometimes it’s hard to take them from my mind palace to the page in front of me; everything gets jumbled into nonsense. So, when those pent-up feelings actually produce something worthwhile, I do like to share the experience with others.

 

            Good luck to all those participating in NaNoWriMo! I’m not participating, but I will aim to write more often this month. I need to keep the flow going now that my short story is finished and submitted. Here are about 400 words written on November 1, so I’m off to a good start :)



Story of my life last month



Regaining Energy

            “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9 (NIV1984)

            That verse has so often applied to my life, especially this summer. I thought I had some great posts planned out and ready to be scheduled during the past few months, however, the summer turned out to be a lot busier than I thought it would outside of the blogging community. In the last eight to ten weeks, I have had two, maybe three, full 24-hour days spent at home. I have been constantly on the go to work, church activities, shopping trips, and outings with friends and family. In early August, I went to an amazing youth conference as a youth worker/leader, and I am really glad I decided to go. Besides my job, I do enjoy all these aforementioned activities, but my introverted self is in desperate need of some alone time to recharge my energy. Without being recharged, I feel strained socially, mentally, and emotionally. If you have come across me, whether in person or online, I apologize if I seemed cross or unpleasant; it may have been one of those completely drained moments.

An important part of the blogging experience is the community, and I enjoy reading comments and posts from my fellow bloggers. Even though it is a lot easier for me to interact with people in writing, I do still consider blogging a form of social engagement and it has been hard to get into an interactive mood lately. So, what have I been doing with those seemly few hours I have at home? Mostly, I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching. I’ve been thinking about my personality and how it affects my choices and goals. I’ve been thinking about majors I should have picked in college, like psychology, neurology, or journalism. I’ve been thinking about my dreams and desires and wondering if some will ever be reached, like marriage. I’ve also spent a lot of time in prayer during this introspective process. I think God did use this socially-overwhelmed time to help me to spend my leftover time away from communicative activities and more into studying and learning by myself. I cannot say that this process is over, but I am ready to attempt to get back on a regular blog post schedule. I have been trying to get this particular post written for the last month, and here it finally is! The thing that has bothered me the most is all the work I put in to visit and meet new bloggers in April’s A to Z Challenge seems to have fallen apart during the summer. That is another area I should work on, consistency. Thanks to those of you who continue to bear with me! You are great friends!

September IWSG and Belated Question of the Month

            Time for another posting with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group, where writers can share their insecurities and encourage one another. IWSG was founded by Alex J. Cavanaugh and we share our posts the first Wednesday of the month. The IWSG poses a question for us to answer in our monthly posts. Here is the question for September: How do you find the time to write in your busy day?

            This question represents something I like about the IWSG, because it proposes a great way for us to share advice with one another. I look forward to reading as many posts as I can get to. But, you are probably here to read my answer, and honestly, I do not make very much time for writing on busy days. I usually squeeze it in around bedtime (when most of my ideas suddenly hit) and jot down a few senseless notes before dozing off. There were a couple times when I was being a little more proactive and recorded some of my thoughts on my phone as I drove to work. I’ve been listening to The Productivity Project: Accomplishing More by Managing Your Time, Attention, and Energy by Chris Bailey, and I am beginning to see more and more that my problem is not a lack of time as much as it is a lack of energy. As an introvert working at a job designed for extroverts, I am feeling the energy drain more and more when I do not get time alone at home to recharge. When I actually do get a day off to myself, depending on how long I’ve gone without my recharge time, I can sometimes find my energy again which leads to writing motivation. I know sometimes, motivated or not, I just have to write, which I can do fairly well when I have a deadline, like a monthly blog post or an anthology contest. In an ideal energy situation, I would probably set about 30 minutes to an hour aside to write in the evenings before rewarding myself with a TV show or computer game. Speaking of technology, I often shut my computer down and write by hand because my computer is full of distractions and writing in a notebook helps me to focus better.

 

---

 

 

I missed the Question of the Month on Monday. I left for a conference the day that our host Michael G D’Agostino emailed the question and I did not see the question until posts went up. The question was: What kind of music best speaks to you?

I’m going to try to keep this answer condensed, it usually depends on my mood. My music collection is very eclectic, but most of it falls into three different genres: classical, Christian, or soundtracks/musicals. When I’m feeling sad, I like softer Christian artists like Selah or Casting Crowns. When I want something more upbeat, my favorite Christian bands are Audio Adrenaline and dc Talk. When I’m feeling reflective or need to be calmed, I enjoy classical music, and I shared many of my favorites during the A to Z Challenge this year. When I’m in the mood for some fun (or sing-a-longs in the car), I listen to my soundtracks. I own the movie soundtracks for Phantom of the Opera, The Music Man, Les Miserables, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, and a collection of Disney songs.

---

*As Chris Bailey would ask, how do you balance your time, energy, and attention?
*Does your music vary with your mood?

The Struggle is Real

            Well, it’s time to come out of hiding and return to the world of blogging. I have been procrastinating this post because I felt a little guilty for not making any visits since the A to Z Reflections posts. I wanted to and I even read a few posts on my phone without leaving a comment because my phone makes commenting too complicated. I have been a little burnt out from my job and the overall lack of sleep in April. I was just going to post a quick update with some pictures today, but I felt compelled to go a little deeper. I gained a few new followers (if you’re still following after my hiatus) during the A to Z Challenge and I thought I would tell you a little bit about myself and this blog. This should be a little different even for those who have been following me longer.

            Lately, I have been dealing with some struggles. Even before the challenge, I was having trouble balancing things in my life. I am a procrastinator and a night owl, which leads to many late nights, which in turn, leads to a zombie-like wakeful state. I am also an introvert and most likely struggle from undiagnosed social anxiety. I work in a retail pharmacy, which is definitely not a good job for someone with my disposition. When I get off from work, my energy levels are nearly drained and it is hard to find motivation to do anything at all until I unwind for two to three hours. By that time, I should go to sleep, but as a night owl, I try to get some things done, which inhibits my sleep and the cycle begins again.  I like to put thought into my posts and my comments on others’ posts, and that usually comes in the moments of higher energy or on my days off from work. My blog has the word “random” in the title for a reason. There are just times when my thoughts get all mangled during the course of the day and I still feel the need to get a post up, so it ends up being pictures or something very short and not as well-worded as I would like it to be.

            In the midst of all this, there is still one thing that remains constant in my life, and that is the presence of God. I may not always mention Him in my posts, but God is the one who keeps me stable when everything else seems to be in chaos, and He is constantly working in my life. Even with my issues in balancing time, I have managed to keep up with the reading the Bible in one year program I started in January. I can only attribute that to God prodding me to keep at it, although there were times when I was not paying enough attention to what I was reading and I still do not pray as often as I should. Before I joined the blogging community through the A to Z Challenge last year, most of my posts were about the lessons God was teaching me in my life. At that time, I only posted once a month, but I did put more thought into those posts. With my decision to post once a week, I do not always find the time to write the thought-provoking devotionals I used to, but I still have a long list of ideas for those types of posts. So, I am hoping to get back into writing posts about what God is teaching me at least once a month.

Baby Sawyer was so little :)

Wow! I guess I took too long of a break! I have more I could write, but I think this post is long enough and it is getting late (procrastination strikes again). I will probably continue this train of thought at a later date. Until then, I will try to set aside some time this afternoon for visiting (with comments) and I will be back here next Wednesday with the monthly Insecure Writer's Support Group post.

December Question of the Month

                The Question of the Month is a bloghop that occurs the first Monday of each month and it is hosted by Michael G D'Agostino from A Life Examined.

December’s question is: Which one social convention would you get rid of?

                This feels like a follow-up to last month’s question about whether you are introverted or extroverted. As an introvert, there are many social conventions I don’t understand, some I feel awkward with, and probably more I don’t even know about. I narrowed them down to small talk, which in and of itself is hard for me, but it is even harder when I feel obligated to chat with either some person I’ve only met once or twice (i.e. a customer at work), or someone I have not seen or kept in touch with for years (i.e. a high school classmate). I feel like I have a somewhat awkward grasp of a few things, but there are only so many weather-related things I can discuss before I start sounding nerdy:



Small Talker: How about this weather?
Me (contemplating): Did you think those clouds after the snow were cirrocumulus or altostratus?
Small Talker (look of bewilderment): Huh?

I know it’s the polite thing to do, but it would be easier and less awkward if mere acquaintances could just avoid eye contact and move along our way unless we have something significant to discuss.

 

http://xkcd.com/222/

 

Do you understand the art of small talk? What social conventions would you rather do without?

November Question of the Month

                The Question of the Month is a bloghop that occurs the first Monday of each month and it is hosted by Michael G D'Agostino from A Life Examined. November’s question is a good one:

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

                I can definitely say that I am an introvert. I gain my energy from being alone. My energy and motivation drain the longer I am around people and the more crowded it is. Over the years, I have felt so incredibly misunderstood by many people. So much so that I actually have considered writing a book about being introverted. I have pages of notes and journal entries that I have collected about introversion. Since this applies to today’s question, here is a small snippet from my “book” just for you, my blog readers :)

                The minds of introverts are so very different from our extroverted counterparts. Not to say that all extroverts are like this, but some people just spew out everything that comes to their minds. I put thought into almost everything I say. There have been countless times that I've come up with a great point to make or a funny anecdote only to realize that the conversation has moved far beyond the topic I was focusing on. It's hard to keep up. I have the same problems with interviews. I don't think outgoing people realize how much harder communication is for a person like me. Most people just think I really don't want to say anything at all, but I'm screaming on the inside.

                I don’t always feel that way in conversations. There are moments where words come to me easily and it is usually around people I know well or people who know how to say the right things to get me talking. In fact, when I am around those people, who can get past the small talk, I feel more comfortable staying longer without feeling the need to run home and recharge. Anyway, this barely touches the surface of my personal experience with being introverted, but I don’t want to spoil my book, lol. I will leave you with some fun memes I found for my fellow introverts.