IWSG: Memories of Writing

Time for another posting with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group, where writers can share their insecurities and encourage one another. IWSG was founded by Alex J. Cavanaugh and we share our posts on the first Wednesday of the month.

The IWSG question for November is: How has your creativity in life evolved since you began writing?

That is a good question! It is fun to take a walk down memory lane through my writing history. This is one of those moments when I wish I still had my first stories I wrote in 6^th grade. I cannot remember what they were like, but I know that my imagination ran wild when I was a child. I had a lot of ideas in my head before I started writing, and I still remember some of the worlds I would pretend to be in when I played. I have some of my high school diary entries, which do not include a lot of creative writing, unless you count the number of ways I fantasized about “accidentally” bumping into my crushes. I have a couple cute stories I wrote for my 11^th grade English class. They lack details, but I included some interesting ideas.

 In college, most of my writing was for assignments and tests. A couple of my professors applauded my writing skills, but I’m assuming they were referring to my grammar, because most of my chapter reviews or summaries were complete BS. After rereading some of my homework, I never realized I was so talented at making it sound like I actually read the textbook. Beyond required writing, I wrote a lot of emails during those years, since I was away from my friends.

The most consistent writing I have done over time has been keeping a diary or journal. It seems I have matured in how I approach my journaling. I use it to work through my emotions, to write out prayers, or just to get all of my thoughts out of my head. Sometimes journaling inspires me to work on my fiction stories or poetry. It also inspired some of my past blog posts. I started this blog in 2010, and I actually enjoy reading many of my old posts. I used to think that I’ve lost some of my creative ability, but I think my real problem is that I have been more distracted in recent months than I was eight years ago. My focus has been off of writing. I still add ideas to my list, but I have not actually sat down to work on those ideas. My most creative writing pursuits of the last two years have been my WEP entries and a fantasy story I occasionally work on.

I have found other creative pursuits. From time to time I work on craft and sewing projects. My biggest pursuit lately has been photography. I have always enjoyed pictures, and after getting myself addicted to Instagram about a year ago, my picture taking has increased exponentially. I feel that photography is in a similar plane to writing, because it’s another way of expressing oneself. Also, my pictures make me want to write more – to write about the feelings and experiences behind the photos. 

Question of the Month: Looking Back

 

The Question of the Month is a bloghop that occurs the first Monday of each month and this is the last one that will be hosted by Michael G D'Agostino from A Life Examined. I’ll miss having Michael as our host, but I wish him well in all his future endeavors. Here is the last question he posed for us:

“What’s a decision you’ve made in the past that you know, logically, was the right decision to make, but which you still feel guilty or regretful about?”

            Looking back on the decision I’m writing about today, I also have to go back to my thought process at that time. Now, I can see many other paths I could have chosen, but at that time my choice seemed perfectly logical. It was choosing to major in education at college. First of all, for most of high school, there was this constant pressure to get ready for college. We were bombarded with questions: “Where are you going to go?” “What are you going to major in?” “How are you going to pay for it?” By my junior year, at the ripe old age of 17, I had already made my final decisions. "I’m going to OBU and I’m majoring in Elementary Education." At first, I thought it might be nice to take a year off, but then I had a case of FOMO (fear of missing out) and I didn’t want to be “behind” my peers. I don’t regret my choice of school. I enjoyed OBU’s small class sizes, variety of curriculum within my major, and integration of Christian faith. I chose to teach because people told me I was good with kids, and I liked kids, and the only job I could think of that involved working with kids was teaching. I realized the summer before my final year of college that I did not really want to teach and there were other directions I could have gone. At that point, it was too late to change majors and still finish in a year. My parents and I could not afford to keep me in college longer. Yes, I probably was too quick to give up and give in to my circumstances, but I stuck to my initial plan and even taught kindergarten for a year before calling it quits. After that, I somehow ended up stuck in a pharmacy, and I often look back and wonder what else I could have done. The positive of this path I’m still on is that I have a job with no homework (unless regaining energy counts). So, over time, I have been able to reanalyze my life, I have grown closer to God, and I have renewed my interest, and gained a passion, in writing, all of which can help me pursue a new path in life.

August IWSG

 

            Time for another posting with the Insecure Writers Support Group, where writers can share their insecurities and encourage one another. IWSG was founded by Alex J. Cavanaugh and we share our posts the first Wednesday of the month. The IWSG now poses a question for us to answer in our monthly posts. The question for our August 3rd posting is: What was your very first piece of writing as an aspiring writer? Where is it now? Collecting dust or has it been published?

 

            Honestly, this question makes me a little sad. When I was in sixth grade, we had a time period set aside each day for Writer’s Workshop. It was the first time I had ever heard of and kept a portfolio and the first time I ever considered pursuing writing. I wrote some short stories, essays, and poems for the assignments I kept in my portfolio. One of my poems was chosen to be printed in our sixth grade class poetry booklet. About 8-10 years ago, my mom found my Writer’s Workshop portfolio in storage and I held it in my hands and flipped through it nostalgically. But then, I was only home for the weekend and had to go back to college and I forgot about the portfolio. I don’t know what happened to it after that. If it was returned to storage, my family’s garage had a rodent infestation, so it was most likely ruined. I wish I would have put it in a safe place with some of my other keepsakes as soon as I saw it that day. The moral of this story: Always save your writing and back it up!

            July was not a productive month for me. It’s not exactly a time issue, I think it’s a lack of brain energy and motivation at the end of the day. I think the summer heat is getting to me, that and constantly having to help cover vacations and a coworker’s pregnancy leave at work. I’m hoping things will settle down a little as schools start back up and the weather cools down. Maybe then I will be able to focus more on my writing again.

Flashback Friday: The Beginning of a Writer's Journey

**This post is a part of the new Flashback Friday series. Participants use the last Friday of each month to repost an old post that needed more attention, that you're very proud of, that you think is still relevant, etc. It is hosted by Michael G D'Agostino at A Life Examined. This is my very first Blogger post from September 19, 2010.**

 

 

The Beginning of a Writer's Journey

 

I went to the ladies retreat with my church this past weekend and I came across this sudden inspiration to write. I guess in God’s eyes, it’s not sudden at all, He knows all the seeds He has been planting over the years. I think the very first seed was planted back when I was in 6^th grade in Arizona. Through my class' writer’s workshop I first learned about the writing process and different types of poetry, and I found out that I really liked writing. During jr. high and high school, I didn’t get the same enjoyment from writing for my classes, except in my 11^th grade English class with the writing portfolios we kept. I did start keeping a diary on a semi-regular basis during high school, and have written in it on and off since then. Those were more seeds for my inspiration. In college, writing became more of a chore, there was always something that needed to be written about in every class, and even many of my exams were essay tests. I started to get tired of writing so much and began to, as they say so nicely, “BS” my way through many of my reflections and reports. Despite these strained feelings toward writing, seeds were still planted from others. My professors would remark on how thoughtful and well-written my reflections were. There was a fellow student who asked me to help write a skit for a group project because she heard I was a good writer. My friends sometimes commented on my cards or emails being inspiring. But at that point in my life and even up until about 2 years ago, I didn’t feel like an inspired, good writer.

Part of my inspiration to write comes from reading good, engaging books. A couple years ago, I hadn’t read anything for a while, and I decided to start back up again. I picked up one of Karen Kingsbury’s books at the library and had no idea what I was getting myself into. For those who haven’t read her books, Karen takes you into her stories in a way that makes you feel like you’re a part of them. I feel like the Baxters are real people who I know personally. There are many other good authors, but the reason I was drawn to Karen’s stories was because those were the types of stories I wanted to write back in the 6^th and 11^th grades. Realistic fiction: that was the genre I was drawn to; inspiring stories of things that could happen in everyday life. Reading her books revived my desire to write. I started collecting ideas for books or stories by making lists in notebooks, on my computer, in my phone…I had so many ideas floating around that I became overwhelmed with them and had no idea where to begin. So I procrastinated and still did not feel motivated to write, at least not publicly.

Finally I find myself back where I started: with the retreat (everything written beyond my first sentence above was just background information…) The theme was “A Legacy to Remember.” Beforehand, I didn’t really feel like I had a legacy to leave, and being without a husband or children, I had nobody to leave it with. But, God was already preparing my heart for what I’d learn over the weekend. I read a devotional story right before I left on Friday. It was about a girl’s grandmother who wrote thousands of letters to her children and grandchildren throughout her life. It says, “Part of Gram’s legacy was how she lived her life, but part of it, too, was the words she left with us all—words that became an extension of the woman who penned them.” I reflected on the fact that this story mentioned a legacy, which just happened to be the theme of this retreat I was about to leave for. I also began thinking about how much I would love to write more to encourage my friends and family. During the retreat, so many women talked about the legacies that have been passed down through the generations of their families. But, what I noticed the most was the many times writing was involved. Twyla read a story she wrote when she was younger; Darla mentioned the importance of keeping a journal of your thoughts and reflections; Sara brought journals from her experiences in Germany and Mexico. I came to the realization that maybe writing could become my own legacy. After all the encouragement and inspiring moments over the years, my spark was finally ignited. So, I am beginning a journey, one that I plan to share with my friends and family. I don’t really know where this journey is taking me, but I know that I plan to continue on. I want my words to leave a legacy in someone’s life. I don't know if my writing is really that good or not, but I hope these writings are uplifting to those who wish to bear with me through these beginning steps.

Question of the Month

                Happy Labor Day, everyone!  I will try to make the most of it, which won’t be easy since I have to work :(  I like September’s Question of the Month, so I thought I would participate.  The Question of the Month is a bloghop that occurs the first Monday of each month and it is hosted by Michael G D'Agostino from A Life Examined.

Here is this month’s question: What’s the best job you’ve ever had?

                I would have to say that my favorite job was actually through a work-study program at my university.  It was called America Reads and we tutored first graders in reading for an hour after school on Mondays-Thursdays.  I enjoyed it because I love helping kids learn.  I love it when they get that “ah-hah” look on their faces and knowing that I was able to help them reach that goal.  Reading is especially fun because there are so many activities I can do with them to learn letters and sounds.  America Reads was also fun because we were able to work together one-on-one which is how I like to teach; that or small groups.  This is the reason I quickly burnt out when I taught kindergarten, because I had fifteen students and only had help for about an hour a day.  With all of my students at different levels, it was impossible for me to help all of them and that made me sad.  So, being able to focus on one student per semester was a great experience.

                I thought I would also include my second favorite “job”, which I would love to do for a living, but I don’t think there’s enough of a demand for it in my area.  In recent years, I have had a few opportunities to dog-sit for two different couples in my church.  I would go to their homes after I got off work, feed the dogs and other various chores, and stay the night.  I have stayed from three nights all the way to two weeks and it is kind of fun to pretend I live somewhere else, although I did get a bit homesick during that two week period.  I have enjoyed some pleasant babysitting experiences over the years as well.

One of the dogs I cared for, Slink, who has since passed away :(

Reminiscing

          Ten years ago on May 23, I graduated from high school.  It is hard to believe.  This whole month has been full of reminders of my years in school.  It all started with one of my elementary school friends posting our 6^th grade class picture.  Her picture received over 300 comments and someone created a group for those of us who attended Luke Elementary together.  Reading through some of the posts and reconnecting with those people I knew as a child has brought back so many great memories.  A couple weeks later, a group was created for Checotah High School’s class of 2003 reunion planning.  Seeing all these faces from the past has led to a lot of reflection on my life.  It is amazing how much I have experienced and learned over the years.  Memories are also incredible, like how we can recall events and people from just a picture or a few words.  I am grateful that God has given me good memories to cherish from my past.  I am also grateful that God has used the mistakes of people around me and my own failures to teach me and strengthen my faith.

            I know that I have been taught not to dwell too much on the past, and I will admit that I have been thinking of those “good ol’ days” a lot lately. I am sad to say that those carefree days of childhood are gone, but sitting here and wishing for them to come back will not get me anywhere.  Dwelling on regrets is another dead-end thought process.  It does not matter now what I did or did not say or do back then.  It is all in the past; it’s over; life must go on.  We have all heard these clichés, and yet those 300 comments prove that many people are past-dwellers.  Let’s see what God has to say about this:
 “Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account.” Ecc. 3:15
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am making a new thing!” Isa. 43:18-19a

          I think that what these and other verses are saying is that while there is nothing wrong with reminiscing, we should not let our pasts control us.  We should learn from mistakes and not repeat them.  Another thing I’ve learned over the years is that there are so many things that are out of our control.  There will be times when we feel extreme sadness or disappointment and there will be times of excitement and bliss.  But when one chapter ends and another begins, do we linger in that chapter or allow the story to move on as we enter the next one.  In other words, life will change; what is today may not be tomorrow.  I’m sure God does not mind if we look back and smile at past experiences, but He does not want us to stay there.  In times like these, Christians should be on high alert to what is currently going on.  We can’t all just long for days of old, or regret choices made in the past.  We also should not yearn too much for the future.  God has a plan for each of us right here and right now!

P.S. I hope that this post makes sense.  I feel as though I started going one direction, but then ended up going somewhere else. There was also a gap in time between when I started and finished writing. I didn’t have much time to edit, but I thought I’d share my thoughts anyway.  Feel free to ask for clarification on any points, and thanks for reading :)

Gotta Love Cats

You know, I never realized this until I did some house-sitting for a lady in my church, but I am a cat person. I always liked cats and dogs and have owned and loved them most of my life, but after spending the night with a couple dogs for two weeks, I realized where my true devotion lies. Don’t get me wrong, I have a Welsh Corgi, Zoe, and I love watching her kick a ball around with her nose or eating a block of ice on a winter day. But when it comes down to the animal I’d rather have at my side for comfort, I choose a cat. Dogs can be so active and dependable. Zoe will keep running that ball back to me as long as I’m still there kicking it for her, or she’ll even kick it around the yard herself to show off. Sometimes that dependability is a good thing, but sometimes they just get in the way, like my mom’s poodle. That dog will get right up under your feet and then have the indecency to yip when you step on her. One of the dogs I took care of would start to bark at me if my attention went somewhere else for too long; she was not going to let me ignore her. Dogs tend to do that a lot, they whine or bark or howl, even within minutes of being left alone. Now cats, on the other hand, are much more independent. They don’t expect you to give them constant attention and may even get angry with you if you give them too much. I’m not really a touchy, feely person, so I don’t really care to sit and pet the animals for too long. I just enjoy the presence of their company.

Lollicat

            Cats can also be a great source of entertainment with their quirky ways. My cat does some pretty strange things. Sometimes, in the morning, she just zooms through the house. If I walk into my room, she gets startled or something and speeds out the door. I’ll find her on the couch and try to approach her, and whoosh, there she goes again, back to my room. She also tends to disappear at times. We’ll look everywhere twice, and all of a sudden she’ll just show up in the kitchen out of nowhere. One time, she was watching a moth in the bathroom very intently. I guess she really wanted to get a hold of that moth because all of a sudden she literally jumped about 3 feet and grabbed hold of the trim on the wall. She just hung there on the wall by her front claws for about 30 seconds, it was quite a sight to see. My cat also likes to sleep in many different positions, but her two favorite seem to be lollicat, like in the picture, and the disappearing limbs position, where all her legs and tail are tucked up under her. Her tail seems to have a mind of its own, so she usually has a paw resting on top of it to keep it still. I’ve heard stories of others who have cats with strange behaviors. My coworker has a big cat that loves to eat marshmallows. I heard about someone who hung his Christmas tree from the ceiling so his Siamese cats couldn’t get to it. One of my favorite stories was from my mentor teacher during my first year of teaching. She said she had just got home from shopping and opened up her trunk to unload groceries. She came back to grab a second load, and found one of her bags split open, with a giant chunk missing from her loaf of bread, and her cat sitting next to it in the trunk. She swears that cat gave her a look of defiance as if it was her fault for not bringing home any treats.

            Cats can be comforting, too. Not my cat, she bites if you pet her anywhere but on her neck. But, my family’s new kitten likes to snuggle up. He just plops right in your lap, almost like a dog, but without the panting and licking. I had a cat in Arizona who was very sweet. She would rub up against me and purr if I was crying, or even when I made a sound like crying. She knew how to make me feel better. For all you dog-lovers, I know dogs can be comforting, too. I do have some great stories of some lovable and very smart dogs; I guess I’ll just have to do another blog about dogs sometime. But, for now, I’ll stick with the kitties :)

            I know this entry is already pretty long, but I thought you might enjoy this Christmas poem that my brother wrote. (By the way, if you would like me to include any writings in my blog, you are welcome to send me a message, or you can add your own thoughts in the comments on here or facebook. It might be fun to share and interact with other people’s writings.) Anyway, here’s the poem:

There’s a kitten in the Christmas tree

and the fire’s going blissfully--------

Snowflakes tickle the roof

I thought I saw the other kitty

But it must have vanished-poof

Probably stole an ornament or two.

Sugar cookies start to brown

Jingle Bells plays with that tingly sound

Flashing lights cast pretty hues

on a manger scene--------------

I tie my shoes

And prepare for snow-outside I go.

Crunch, crunch-the snow sounds great

To build a snowman is my fate

I roll a snowball real fat

and notice icicles hanging down

and I see through the window-that

there’s a kitten in the Christmas tree.

A Life Worth Remembering

            This has been on my mind since my church’s ladies’ retreat back in September. The theme was “A Legacy to Remember” and each of us was asked to name someone who left a legacy in our lives. Almost half of the women present, myself included, named our grandmothers. With Christmas just around the corner, I can think of no better time to celebrate the life of my mother’s mom and remember all those childhood Christmases I spent at Grandma’s house. I was only 12 years old when she died, so I was too young to notice some of her character traits. But, looking back, I can see some of those qualities that make me wish I still had her here today.

Louise Swoboda was a devoted wife. Granddaddy had a stroke before I was born, and it got to the point that Grandma could not handle taking care of him by herself, so she put him in a nursing home. Whenever I came to stay a few weeks over the summer with Grandma, she would go to the nursing home to visit Granddaddy at lunchtime, every single day. I would sit in the floor and play with Polly Pockets or explore the corridors with the nurses. Sometimes she would bake cookies for him and his roommate. I remember one time that my cousin, Susan, and I got into an argument over who would give the cookies to Granddaddy and who got stuck with the stranger. When it came to Thanksgiving or Christmas, Grandma would take Granddaddy home to celebrate with the family. I remember he slept in his old chair most of the day, but now I know that those were probably some of their favorite days, spending time at home together. Granddaddy died in July of 1996, and Grandma died a few months later. She was so devoted to her husband that she didn’t want to live without him.

Louise Swoboda cared about people. She was very giving, not only with gifts, but with her time. I got an extra aunt because my Grandma took her in as an “adopted” daughter. Mary loved Grandma as her own mother because of the care and time that she gave Mary’s family. I have almost as many memories with my “adopted” aunt as I do with my real aunt. I asked my mom about my grandma, and I found out Mary wasn’t the first. Grandma had a heart for teens and young women. She would invite them in her home and provide them with a meal and Godly counsel. I remember getting to know the small town of Globe, Arizona pretty well. Whenever I stayed with her, she would always be visiting someone. She liked to play dominoes with some ladies her age, she visited the homes of her pastor and his wife and their grown children, and she would even visit with and get to know some of the other residents in the nursing home. At home, she kept herself busy with phone calls, writing letters, baking, and caring for grandchildren. And she didn’t keep these traits to herself; she passed them on to those she came in contact with. She taught me and Susan how to decorate Christmas cookies, and more importantly, how to share with others and that giving is much better than receiving.

Louise Swoboda was a faithful servant, and her life is an example of her love for others. She was truly the matriarch who held our family together. Maybe she didn’t do everything perfect, but her love for God allowed her to become a great woman, at least in the eyes of those whose lives she touched. This will be my 15^th Christmas without her, but I hope that her legacy will live on in my life.

With love to Grandma Louise (Ryan) Swoboda, you are and shall continue to be greatly missed. One day we will meet again in Heaven. Thanks for the treasured memories here on Earth.