Not Again

           I cannot believe another month has passed by and I haven't managed to get a post up. I have got to get myself on some kind of schedule. To all of those potential readers out there who have probably given up on me: I have ideas...I really do! The problem is getting them out of my mind and into words that make sense to the rest of the world. I can't believe that it has been a year since I started this journey. I was rereading my post and I remembered how enthusiastic I was. I had (still have) so many ideas of stories and topics to write about and I was ready to share them...or so I thought. I guess the past year has been kind of like a long distance race and I didn't pace myself the right way. I started out as fast as I could, I posted twice a month and at least one of those posts was something new. Then, I started losing wind and started searching for diary entries or poems I had already written. Now, I am barely moving forward and only trying to keep pace just to get my monthly time stamp. My last entry was in the middle of August and it was an obituary for my dog with mostly pictures. Look at me now, I am sitting here summarizing my blog...The motivation has disappeared and I am trying to find my second wind. As the Bible says, “...let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us."(Heb. 12:1, KJV) Ok, so I guess I'm taking that verse a little out of context, but in this race that is set before me, I have been weighed down. Instead of writing for fun and inspiration, I have only been writing out of obligation and thoroughness. I have allowed my enthusiasm to dissolve into the pool of all my other thoughts and tasks. I want to get motivated again, so, I know I've said this before, but don't give up on me yet. I still plan to keep this going, even if it is just a post a month. I hope that stories and poems from my past are at least mildly entertaining, and I do hope to get some more intriguing new material out in the future.

Here's a past post about getting motivated in a race (maybe I should read it again): Attaining the Prize

Saying Goodbye

Farewell Zoe, my four-legged friend. I remember when I first got you, a little ball of fur with short, stubby legs. When you were so excited to see me one day, you ran straight at me and bit down on my lip. When you escaped one day and chased the donkeys like the herding dog you were bred to be. I remember “talking” to you from my bedroom window and how you were talented enough to say “I love my mama.” I loved kicking your ball and watching you roll it back with your nose. It was so funny that you also used your nose to dig holes, I guess your legs were too short. I remember how much you loved the snow and ice. You would attack snowballs and lick and slide chunks of ice around. I will miss your excited face and wagging stub of a tail that greeted me each day I got home. I’ll miss the way you got the Chihuahuas worked up into a howling session most evenings. I’ll miss you, Zoe, you were a good dog and seven years just wasn’t long enough.

R.I.P. Zoe
April 2004-August 13, 2011
A Most Beloved Friend

Special Speciality

          Well, here I am again at the end of another month without a blog post. Honestly, I don’t want to give up on this and that is why I make sure I get something posted at least once each month (even if it is at the last minute). I guess it partway stems from my meticulous ways that I must have a post with a timestamp from each month. On that subject, I do have a tendency, almost a need, to over-explain myself, especially when I am writing. I am detail-oriented and I sometimes thrust those details upon people who may not care to hear all the reasoning behind my madness. I catch myself more and more as I’m speaking or in writing a message to a friend or a blog. I will repeat the same thing over and over again sometimes with different wording, but sometimes the very same thing. It’s not just that I want to get my point across, but I also want to make sure that the listener or reader understands why I’m making that point and how I came to that conclusion. Even in this very post I am probably over-explaining the meaning of the word “meticulous.” And now in this same manner I shall explain why I tend to be this way.

          I conceive that it is a variety of things that have happened over the course of my life so far that have lead me to acquire the characteristics I have aforementioned. Ok…so I couldn’t resist putting that sentence in; I hope it didn’t scare you away. Don’t worry, I won’t go into my full life story. I guess the main reason I feel the need to explain everything is because of my quiet nature. I feel misunderstood most of the time and so when I do actually communicate with others, even if it’s over something trivial, I want to make myself clear. There is only a handful of people who seem to truly “get” me, and sometimes it’s frustrating when others don’t understand. I could go on and on about this, and my two best friends have already received their share of the rant, but I’ll spare you the time.

          I know this is going to sound really, really cliché, but it’s true. God made each and every one of us special and we all have our own unique characteristics. This world would be so incredibly boring if all of us were the same. Our strengths and weaknesses in character make us who we are, and so instead of trying to change our weaknesses we should use our strengths. Even if you’re like me and tend to blend into the background, don’t allow that to make you feel useless. This world may appear to be driven by sociability and recognition, but don’t forget all the simple, quiet acts in the background. They may never be noticed unless they’re left undone. I won’t leave out those of you who are more socially-inclined; us quiet ones need you to be the leaders and go-getters. So, whether you’re introverted or extraverted, young or old, organized, artsy, compassionate, strong, smart, or whatever your personality and skills may be, use them. I speak to myself when I say this: don’t let your talents go to waste because you feel like their not good enough or not important. We all have something to contribute no matter how small it may seem. “We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.” (Romans 12:6-8 NIV).

          If you want to know more about spiritual gifts and contributing to the body of Christ, read the rest of Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12. Also, I found a long, but interesting spiritual gifts test online at: http://www.churchgrowth.org/cgi-cg/gifts.cgi?intro=1

A Mysterious Case of Spots

            You know, God really does work in mysterious ways sometimes, or at least amusing ways. The other day, I was in a rush all day long. I rushed to get ready for work, I rushed to work, I rushed at work, I rushed at lunch, I rushed home after work, and I rushed to get ready for a church camp meeting. As I was driving to the church camp, I glanced down at my knee to adjust my skirt and I saw these 3 big brown spots that weren’t there that morning. Being the worrywart that I am, all these crazy thoughts came rushing through my head: “What are those? Are they blood clots, have I been standing too much? Are they moles from being in the sun too long? Did I get blood blisters from running into something? What did I run into? That leg has been feeling kind of funny today, when was the last time I looked at it?” I said a prayer and hoped to God that it wasn’t anything serious. Well, those spots preoccupied my mind as the camp kids played games and sang songs, but I finally calmed down a little when the preacher started his sermon. As soon as I got home, I had to investigate those spots so I could determine my fate. I looked up and down my leg and found 2 more spots on the bottom of my foot. Then, I sat on my bed and pulled my knee close: “Hmm, those spots are raised, they must be moles…” I rubbed one and it started coming off, then it hit me…It was chocolate! In my rush between work and the camp service I had grabbed a half-melted energy bar and was eating it as I was changing. The melted chocolate had flaked off and got squished onto my skin. I am glad I didn’t ask anyone else for prayer that night, but I guess I did need prayer for my mental state.

            As funny and embarrassing to admit as that is, it really did make a few good points. First of all, I was reminded that I shouldn’t worry so much. Sadly, that is not the first time (and probably not the last) that I invented some horrendous scenarios in my head only to find that there was a perfectly reasonable explanation to my object of worry. When I was a teenager, I used to worry all the time if someone in my family was gone and got home late. I’ve imagined car accidents, fires, thieves, bridges collapsing, etc. and usually I would find out they just made an extra stop or there was a lot of traffic. I was reminded of Luke 12:25-26, which says, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” In other words, worrying isn’t going to get me anywhere, so I might as well leave everything in God’s hands.

            Another thing those spots reminded me of is the need to slow down. The only reason I got them in the first place is because I was rushing around all day. I can still get things done without working myself up into a frenzy. Sometimes we just need to take a break, enjoy the scenery, and just savor the moment. I know I usually end up ignoring the most important things when I get too busy. I’m always trying to get everything done on my never-ending to-do list, and I can’t seem to give up even just 15 minutes for what really matters. I don’t leave enough time for prayer and Bible study, a phone call to my best friends, a chat with my mom, or even playing with my cats and dogs (they’re family too). Those are the things that my time should revolve around instead of meaningless repetitive tasks. I think of the story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10. Jesus told Martha in verse 41-42: “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Mary chose to stop and listen to Jesus instead of trying to take care of all the busywork, and I guess I should take a time out once in while, too.

            Finally, I was reminded that sometimes something that looks bad is actually something good. I thought some chocolate was a disease. Circumstances can be the same way, they may seem bad as you’re going through them, but they can end up being blessings in disguise. “We know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). So, the next time you’re feeling over-stressed, way too rushed, or worried beyond control: slow down, take a deep breath, and repeat after me, “Dear Lord, please heal my chocolate!”

The Waiting Game

Wow! Has another month already passed? I really intended on writing more than once a month, but once again, the time has escaped me. Anyway, I was trying to think of a good topic for today and well I guess I’ll write about something that God has been trying to teach me for a long time. It’s a word I’m sure everyone has had their share of struggles with: patience. I’ve been having a hard time waiting for something (anything) to change in my life, especially over the last few months. It seems like most days are just the same old thing repeated over and over again, like I’m stuck in the movie Groundhog Day except I’m still getting older. I’m talking about things that are mostly outside of my control like a husband coming into the picture or a principal calling to offer me a teaching job. I know that I do have control over some things like my attitude or my walk with God, which still take a lot of patience and self-control to change. I was looking through my diary again and came across a few times when God was reminding me to be patient. So, here are some of my own words from 5 years ago (I was writing about this guy I liked at the time):    

I kept thinking about how easy it was to talk to him. It’s like we clicked or something…All this was swarming through my head and I’m thinking “he could be the one!” Then, I’m not exactly sure how to describe this, but this feeling, an overwhelming thought came into my head, it was almost like it was shouting at me: “WAIT!” I would think about him some more and then again, “WAIT!” I have always been praying about my future husband and for God to give me patience as I’m waiting for him. I’m not completely sure, but I really think that it was God telling me not to worry about that then and to wait for something to happen.

Well, now I know that this was God’s way of trying to get my attention away from that guy because he was not right for me. I’m glad I listened and didn’t attempt to push myself into a relationship with him. Like I wrote in Fasten Seatbelts, Please, I was tempted to try to take the controls of my flight, but I trusted in God’s path instead. About a year and a half later I wrote this about my job: “I do need to just make the best of my current situation and trust God and wait on Him to get me through it and into His ultimate plan for my life.” That sounds like a familiar message and I wrote that in 2007! It sounds a lot like some of the verses that I’ve been repeating to myself and in this blog the past few months. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Also, Philippians 4:11: “for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”

There are so many examples from sermons I heard and books I read lately that continue to remind me to have patience. But, I think I’ll end this post with one more excerpt of my own words, this time from 2009, but they still hold true in my life today:

I guess I really do need to find contentment with God in the here and now instead of constantly longing for tomorrow. This is where God has me right now and things might change soon or they might not, but what really matters is that I allow God to work on my life today and let tomorrow take care of itself. "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34). I’ll leave you with a prayer (from Fame by Karen Kingsbury) that really is perfect for me right now: "God, please now my future see, make it clear where I should be. Open windows, close the doors, not my will, my God, but Yours."

For another post on this topic, go to When Will This Chapter End?

Until The Storm Is Over

With the storms passing through my area, I was reminded of another legacy that has been passed down through my family. My mom was always intrigued by thunderstorms. As a child, I didn’t have much interest in them (they were quite common in Arizona) until I was at my grandma’s house one night when I was 9 or 10. We were out on the front porch and a storm was passing through. We were watching the lightning and counting the seconds before the thunder boomed. Grandma said that the number of seconds between the lightning strike and the boom told us how many miles away the storm was. She also told me a story of one of her childhood experiences. A cloud passed over the car she was riding in and it was only the length of her car. The rain fell from the front to the rear and then they drove out of it. I pictured a cloud hovering over their car like those rain clouds that hover over cartoon characters when they’re feeling sad. Needless to say, I was fascinated by thunderstorms from that point on, just like my grandma and my mom. In Oklahoma, thunderstorms are a little scarier because they have the potential to produce hail or tornadoes, but I still love the clouds and the rain. If anyone took a look at my photos on my computer or in my camera, they’d be able to tell I have an avid fascination with clouds. They can take on so many shapes and reflect so many colors during a sunrise or sunset. They can be so beautiful and magnificent like God’s painting in the sky. I could go on and on about what I’ve learned about weather and how I’ve used it as a theme in many of the lessons I did for my education classes at OBU. I should have been a meteorologist, although it would be a difficult job here in Oklahoma with its rollercoaster weather.

Life has its rainy days. Sometimes things get stormy and it feels like your world is crashing in on you. Will the house you built stand up against the wind and floods? It may even feel like Oklahoma sometimes, where you’re burning up one day and freezing cold the next. The storms of life can make us unstable and the darkness may seem like it never ends. But God can calm the storm; He’s the light that brings the rainbow into view. “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and He guided them to their desired haven.” (Ps. 107:28-30, NIV)

“He stilled the storm to a whisper…” I love the phrasing in that verse. When everything seems to be hammering in on you and your mind is full of worries and burdens, it can feel like it’s shouting at you. Or, at least that’s how I feel sometimes. I have also felt the overwhelming peace and stillness that God can bring when I pray. So, whether the storm is raging outside or inside, remember that the clouds will eventually pull away to reveal the sun again.

Just a little afterthought:

            Another thing I like about storms is how well they go with music. If it’s a storm with lots of lightning or if I’m driving down the road in the rain, I have some songs I like to listen to. Here are some of my favorite storm songs:

            *Flood by Jars of Clay

            *Blue Skies by Point of Grace

            *Rain Song by Day of Fire

            *Light Up the Sky by The Afters

            *In the Hall of the Mountain King by Edvard Grieg

Ok, so that last one is just fun to listen to, but if you get a chance, you should look up the lyrics to the others if you haven’t heard them. They are very fitting for a stormy night.

Where Have I Been?

            Well, March has come and almost left without a peep on my blog. I usually wrote on Sunday evenings after church, but my Sunday evenings this month have been spent working in the nursery for the couples’ Bible study and playing volleyball. I guess it has been a busy month and I’ve spent my days off going to a wedding shower, a baby shower, and the Bodies Exhibition. The Exhibition was amazing, I think I learned more from it than any biology lesson I ever had. (Did you know that there is not a single part of your body that is more than a millimeter away from a blood vessel?) Looking at our inward parts really is fascinating. As I viewed all those muscles, nerves, and vessels and how they all work together so perfectly, I realized just how amazing God’s design truly is. I would recommend going if you ever have a chance. It will be in Tulsa until April 15.

            The busyness isn’t stopping anytime soon, I’m having a hard time focusing on writing right now because I’m thinking about what I need to get ready for my church’s Disciple Now weekend which begins tomorrow night. April also brings my friend, Katee’s wedding and Easter.

            Anyway, this blog entry has a high resemblance to a Christmas newsletter. I guess this was my attempt at explaining away my own laziness and a lack of motivation to write. So, sorry for the delay, but I thought I’d let you know that this is not a lost and forgotten pursuit. I hope I’ll find some time (and enthusiasm) to write this coming month because there are still many other themes and ideas floating around in my mind that I’d love to share with you, my readers.

http://www.bodiestheexhibition.com/

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.” Romans 12:1 (KJV)