December’s question is: Which
one social convention would you get rid of?
This
feels like a follow-up to last month’s question about whether you are
introverted or extroverted. As an introvert, there are many social conventions
I don’t understand, some I feel awkward with, and probably more I don’t even
know about. I narrowed them down to small talk, which in and of itself is hard for me, but it is even harder when
I feel obligated to chat with either some person I’ve only met once or twice
(i.e. a customer at work), or someone I have not seen or kept in touch with for
years (i.e. a high school classmate). I feel like I have a somewhat awkward
grasp of a few things, but there are only so many weather-related things I can
discuss before I start sounding nerdy:
 |
| Small Talker: How about this weather? Me (contemplating): Did you think those clouds after the snow were cirrocumulus or altostratus? Small Talker (look of bewilderment): Huh? |
I know it’s the polite thing to do, but it would be easier
and less awkward if mere acquaintances could just avoid eye contact and move
along our way unless we have something significant to discuss.
 |
| http://xkcd.com/222/ |
Do you understand the art of small talk? What social conventions would you rather do without?
I understand small talk and can do it reasonably well, I have trouble ending conversations on the phone like with people you are calling for business; always seem like its awkward when we are done with the business. Wish I knew what the etiquette was for that.
ReplyDeletebetty
Betty, I'm with you, I usually wait for them to say thank you or bye first, then I answer back. If the person I'm calling doesn't say anything, the awkward silence begins.
DeleteI read another one this morning who shared you sentiments about not acknowledging those people in the first place.
ReplyDeleteIf we could forego having to remember someone's name, I'd be set!
Alex, since I work in a pharmacy, half of my small town thinks they know me, and I only remember a few of the regulars. There is this one lady who always greets me so kindly at work and I've seen her at some 5Ks I ran over the past two years, and I still don't know her name!
DeleteI am terrible at small talk. In college I met a girl who seemed incredibly awesome at it and I watched her closely and found the key: ask questions. That's it. Just ask the other person stuff and listen closely. Then ask something else. It works like a charm (as long as reasonable questions come to mind).
ReplyDeleteTamara, I think part of my problem is a lack of social reasoning and quick thinking. I usually come up with great questions or things to say long after the conversation has ended, although I have been getting slightly better the past couple years.
DeleteSometimes I can be okay at small talk unless the talk turns to sports and then I'm out of the loop. I see what you're saying though. There are some encounters that just seem too awkward.
ReplyDeleteArlee Bird
Tossing It Out
Arlee, sports are tough for me too. I have gotten a few laughs over my ignorance of the subject because people thought I was joking.
DeleteI can do small talk though I prefer not to. I laugh at my husband because he seems to always get drawn into small talk with strangers.
ReplyDeleteSusan, I feel sorry for you husband unless he likes it, lol. I know a few people who enjoy conversing with strangers.
DeleteWhat you've said makes sense to me. I'm not afraid to chit chat but I have to be comfortable with the person or situation I'm in. We shouldn't judge anyone if they don't engage in small talk. Good answer!
ReplyDeleteThanks Barb! I agree that it is easier to talk to people I'm comfortable around.
DeleteI can agree with the small talk, I find it hard to carry on a conversation with people I have nothing in common with, so I feed on likenesses, politics, religion, business, current events. They seem to drag into more interesting conversation, or I figure out that I don't like them, and try to distance himself.
ReplyDeleteI probably depend too much on the other person to carry the conversation if I don't know that person very well. So, once that person stops talking and I can't think of anything else, the awkward silence happens until we finally mumble "bye" or "see you later," lol.
DeleteI kind of agree. Although I've gotten better at smalltalk lately.
ReplyDeleteMichael, I think I have gotten a little bit better over the past few years, but I still don't like it that much, lol.
DeleteI am not good at small talk. In fact, I kinda hate it. I'd rather talk about what the meaning of life is and stuff like that than the weather or pleasantries. Also, probably because my mind goes completely blank when I'm put into situations of small talk and I make a fool of myself :)
ReplyDeleteMadilyn, me too! I am the same way.
DeleteHa, yeah, small talk always makes me feel like a jerk. Your XKCD comic totally reminds me of my conversation with my cousin last month. She called up to say she was pregnant and I was enthusiastic to say congrats and how awesome it was. Then our conversation just died into awkward silence. Finally it got to me saying, "well, you probably want to call other people, huh?" Yeah...
ReplyDeleteAnd then there was last week when I was at a post-NaNo get together and the girl across from me says, "Hey, thanks for beta-reading my story a while back." I stalled out for a moment and said, "oh! So you're ! I haven't met you face-to-face before."
And then she said, "Actually, we met at one of these parties last year..."
*wince*
Loni, that has happened to me, too. Someone will remember me and my name and I will just stare at them blankly trying to rack my brain on where I could have possibly met them before. After the long awkward silence, they will realize I don't remember them and look disappointed. Then, I feel like a horrible person and quickly say "Well it was nice seeing you again, bye!" and walk shamefully away...
Delete