Where Have I Been?

            Well, March has come and almost left without a peep on my blog. I usually wrote on Sunday evenings after church, but my Sunday evenings this month have been spent working in the nursery for the couples’ Bible study and playing volleyball. I guess it has been a busy month and I’ve spent my days off going to a wedding shower, a baby shower, and the Bodies Exhibition. The Exhibition was amazing, I think I learned more from it than any biology lesson I ever had. (Did you know that there is not a single part of your body that is more than a millimeter away from a blood vessel?) Looking at our inward parts really is fascinating. As I viewed all those muscles, nerves, and vessels and how they all work together so perfectly, I realized just how amazing God’s design truly is. I would recommend going if you ever have a chance. It will be in Tulsa until April 15.

            The busyness isn’t stopping anytime soon, I’m having a hard time focusing on writing right now because I’m thinking about what I need to get ready for my church’s Disciple Now weekend which begins tomorrow night. April also brings my friend, Katee’s wedding and Easter.

            Anyway, this blog entry has a high resemblance to a Christmas newsletter. I guess this was my attempt at explaining away my own laziness and a lack of motivation to write. So, sorry for the delay, but I thought I’d let you know that this is not a lost and forgotten pursuit. I hope I’ll find some time (and enthusiasm) to write this coming month because there are still many other themes and ideas floating around in my mind that I’d love to share with you, my readers.

http://www.bodiestheexhibition.com/

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.” Romans 12:1 (KJV)

A Look Back In Time

            I present this post in honor of Diary Day, an event I created 10 years ago on Feb. 28, 2001. I have kept the same diary on and off for over 10 years and I have only missed one Diary Day entry. I know this may sound silly, but I like having this day set aside for writing. So, I thought I’d post a quote from each of my Diary Day entries. Hope you enjoy my moments of nostalgia and a little silliness.

2001: Dear Diary, I don’t really know why I’m doing this, if anyone reads it they’ll think I’m crazy.

2002: I think I’m going to make today my official diary day, every year I’ll try my best to write on Feb. 28.

2003: (I still laugh at this one) I promise to you Diary that the next opportunity I have, I will ask ________ to go to the prom with me, and his answer will be the determination of whether or not I’m going to keep him as a crush (obviously). (No, I didn’t ask him, I wasn’t as crazy as I thought I was)

2004: I just feel like I am living two different lives. One here at OBU, with no best friend, and uncrazy; one in Checotah with my family and (friends)…and always doing something out of the ordinary. (What is the obsession with thinking I’m crazy?)

2005: Well, not much else to say and only one line left. Ta Ta.

2006: (The year I missed, so I wrote on March 1) Noooo!!...I missed Diary Day! I am so sad :(

2007: …I sometimes feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. But it’s happening and I guess I just have to live in the moment and take on one day at a time, and hope that God’s plan for me will reveal itself one day soon.

2008: I was looking back through my entries, and as much as I sounded like a totally crazy person in those high school (and some college) years, I would still love to be in that simple time. Sure, things weren’t perfect, but I had my best friends and we found joy in life together.

2009: (This was a long one, hard to pick one quote, I may use some of it in a future blog post) Oh, what a mess I am! Right now, I’m living up to everyone’s expectations of me, but I’m not meeting my own expectations of myself…If only my hand could write as fast as I think!

2010: I read too many books, watch too many romances, and allow my mind to fall into fantasies of what ifs and what could bes…I guess reality just seems rather dull in comparison, it’s hard not to allow myself to escape for a while…I know God doesn’t mind that I have dreams and desires, but I can’t let them take over and push God aside.

Well, that’s all for now. I found some topics in my own writing that I could use in future blog posts, so hopefully, I won’t get another case of writer’s block anytime soon. Until next time, Happy Diary Day!

Love and Marriage from a Single's Perspective

            Normally, around Valentine’s Day, well really the first couple weeks of February, I am very anti-valentine. I have worn black, recruited single friends, and I even once posted a picture I made proclaiming it was S.A.D. (Singles’ Awareness Day) on my Facebook profile. But, something is different this year…maybe it’s because of the unusual blizzard we had this month, maybe it’s because more of my close friends are now married, or the fact that I’ve been writing and reflecting on my thoughts more often, or maybe it’s some of the books I’ve read recently. Whatever it is, I don’t feel as much hatred toward this holiday as I used to. I am still very aware of my singleness, I’m reminded of it almost every time I go into Wal-Mart with its flood of balloons and flowers. But if we lay the commercialism aside, the purpose of Valentine’s Day isn’t so bad. It is a celebration of love; a time to show your loved ones how much you care for them. True romance and chivalry are dying breeds and should be recognized even more than just on Valentine’s Day or a couple’s anniversary.

            Personally, I cannot claim to be an expert on marriage, although I have learned a few things over the years from observing the couples around me. I may not have an in-depth understanding until I gain some experience, but I have an idea of what it takes to have a healthy marriage. So, in honor of the holiday, I’d like to share some of the things I’ve learned through my observations. The first key is to love and honor God. Many of you have probably heard the acronym for JOY: put Jesus first, then Others, and then Yourself. If you are in a relationship with God through prayer and reading His Word, then your relationship with your spouse will benefit. I have seen prayer work in many marriages. Relationships have been healed, struggles have been taken care of, and lives have been changed through the power of prayer. For singles, building a relationship with God is the best investment you can put into your future. He can carry you through your worries and trials and bring a sense of peace if you allow Him to have control. In marriage, you should love each other as Christ loves the church.

            Another key to marriage is trust. I have seen relationship after relationship fall apart because of a lack of trust. The best way to build trust is to be honest with one another. Don’t hide the past and let your husband or wife know when you make a mistake. If you try to bury the things you’ve done, there is always a chance that they will become unearthed. And I’m not just talking about sexual immorality, there are other things couples hide from each other. Poor financial decisions, taking sides with their kids, and sometimes even illnesses are examples of things that are kept secret that shouldn’t be. Another key to marriage, which is also a good way to build trust, is communication. One of the first things I’ve seen many couples do when they’re angry is shut each other out. Sometimes you may need to cool down from a heated argument, but fuming over the issue and giving each other the “silent treatment” is not going to fix anything. If a problem is not addressed immediately, it will probably come up again or escalate into something far worse. Communication isn’t just about settling arguments either…couples should also express their ideas and interests with each other. Talk about your childhood, participate in each other’s hobbies, discuss how to discipline your kids, share your worries, and the list could go on and on. When couples are communicating well, they will be able to handle things better if an area of conflict or an unexpected trial comes up.

            I am speaking with a voice of inexperience, but I believe with God as the foundation and trust and communication as part of the building blocks, a strong marriage can be built. And as with any building project, it takes a lot of work, but it’s worth it when you see the results. There are so many scriptures that cover love and marriage, here are some I’ve found if you would like to do some “homework:”

            * Proverbs 31:10-31 (a virtuous woman)

            * 1 Corinthians 7:10-15 (divorce)

            * 1 Corinthians 13 (what is love?)

            * Ephesians 5:20-33 (roles of husbands and wives)

            * 1 Peter 3:1-9 (more on marriage roles)

Also whether you’re single, courting or dating, or married these are some good books I’ve read or heard about on the subject of marriage or preparing for marriage:

            * Preparing to be a Help Meet by Debi Pearl

            * The Five Love Languages and The Five Love Languages for Singles by Gary Chapman

            * Karen Kingsbury’s Redemption series, which includes Redemption, Remember, Return, Rejoice, and Reunion (I know they’re fictional, but she worked with a relationship expert named Gary Smalley to write these books that address major issues and troubles that come up in marriages and families. I really enjoyed reading them and may have learned a thing or two in the process.)

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

When Will This Chapter End?

Well, I’m back in that writer’s block mode, and I’ve been here the past few weeks. Maybe it’s not really writer’s block, but a lack of motivation. I just can’t seem to get myself to put words to all the ideas floating around in my head. I guess I need to read my last entry again…So, since it’s been a while since I last posted, I thought I’d share something personal. This is some journaling I did about 2 years ago. It’s funny looking back at things I wrote. Part of me still feels the way I did, longing for a change of pace, but, at the same time, I feel like things have changed since then. The changes are just more gradual and inward instead of major changes in circumstances. Anyway, here it is:

I’ve got to hand it to all the great authors out there. They put words together in such amazing ways. Not only do they create great stories but they also create a mood, a feeling, a sense of adventure. I love the stories that just suck you right in and you just yearn to be there with the characters.  Sometimes reading those books isn’t a good thing for me. It makes my life seem so much more meaningless and purposeless when I know it really isn’t. I know God has some sort of purpose in my life, but the waiting is just killing me. I want something exciting to happen, something magical. I just wish I could have my own adventure, something novel-worthy. Not all the books I’ve read are fantasies with wizards and hobbits; I’ve read some realistic and historical fictions with situations that really could happen. Those stories really make me long for change in my life. Where’s my Mr. Darcy? I wish I could attend an old-fashioned 19^th century ball, why is most of today’s dancing so horrible and sexual? And why do you always have to have a date if you want to dance?

Really, I do just want something different to happen to me, no more than that…something life-changing. Something that makes a major difference in my life that’s good. A change for the better. I just feel like I’m in an in-between place right now and it feels like I’ve been stuck here forever. When I graduated high school this is not the kind of life I pictured myself living at this point. I should be married, I should actually be doing a job that feels meaningful that I enjoy. After last year’s teaching experience, just the idea of going back to an elementary school makes me cringe. I know that it was my first year, and it was a kindergarten class in an inner-city school, but it’s still hard to completely convince myself that things could be different. And as for a husband, I only wish I had a slight hint of who or when, but it just seems so far away. I realize that things can happen fast; that major life-changing events can take place within a short time span. But, that still doesn’t make me feel any better about it right now. Obviously, I still have some kinks to work out and I know what some of them are. I know God wants me to be fully prepared, and I hope I will be and that my husband will also be ready for me. Maybe my story is not a great adventure, maybe it never will be…but it is my story and with God as the author, it will turn out exactly how it is supposed to. I guess I just need to take comfort in that.

Attaining the Prize

            So how many of you made a New Year’s resolution? How many have already broken it? That’s the thing about resolutions, they never stick. We always strive to break a bad habit or change something in our lives but always end up following the same patterns the moment our guard is down. Even this blog is a great example. I wanted to write about the New Year two weeks ago, and kept putting it off for no good reason. I just didn’t feel like writing, so I avoided it. Now it almost feels like the freshness of the New Year has begun to fade away, and my goal-oriented attitude has worn off. So, I need to learn from my own words.

            I must admit that most of this is not entirely original; it’s more of a collaboration of ideas I’ve heard over the past year or so, and I will make reference to the sources (at least those I remember). Let’s start with the ultimate source where all my sources get their information: God’s Word. In 1 Corinthians 9:24 (NIV) it says: “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” I also want to use a quote from Karen Kingsbury’s Take Three: “Never be passive. Victories happen when you take charge of a game. You can’t win by playing not to lose.” Doesn’t that make you think? We are not just here to survive through life; we are here to win the race. If we just go through the motions of life, we might just miss out on the prize. In other words, don’t just sit back and expect things to just happen. You may not be able to change your circumstances, but you can change your attitude and actions. “Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air” (1 Cor. 9:26). I can actually identify with the reference to sports. When I play volleyball, I am not very competitive, so when I play with competitive people, I try the best I can to make sure I am not the reason my team loses. I am playing not to lose. The people who play to win actually get deeply involved in the game; they are doing everything they possibly can to win. If you aren’t watching closely, you may not notice this subtle difference between playing not to lose and playing to win. It all comes down to your attitude and the way you approach life’s race.

            Last year my pastor preached about ways to stick to your goals. He used three steps: Purpose (resolve), make a Plan, and Practice. First, in order to win the race, we need to know where the finish line is. “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:14 KJV). As a Christian, my main purpose should be to serve, honor, and obey God. So, when I set goals, I need to make sure they are God’s will for my life. If something I resolve to do would draw me away from church or create a guilty conscience, then it is obviously not a goal God wants me to set. In setting goals, look for areas of your life that you can change, like I already mentioned, you can change your attitude toward life and the actions that you take.

            One of the reasons many of us never keep our resolutions is that we make the resolution and then take action on it, but we skip the middle step. Making a plan for reaching your goals can really help them become much more attainable. If you fail to plan, then you’re planning to fail. Your plan doesn’t have to be elaborate, but it should be deliberate. In other words, you don’t have to be detail-oriented to make a plan, but you should still have some idea of how you are going to get there. It also does help to allow room for flexibility. If something doesn’t go exactly the way you expected, you should have an idea of how you can get back on track. Don’t let the bumps in the road stop you; just get back up, dust yourself off, and keep running.

            The final step is to practice or take action on your planned out goal. Once you know where the finish line is and the map is drawn out, you are ready to run. Don’t look back at your failures, hoping not to fail again. If you just passively go along with the flow without looking toward the finish, then you are only playing not to lose. We must “forget those things which are behind, and reach forth unto those things which are before [us]” (Phil. 3:13b KJV). Having a purpose and a plan in mind really does make it a lot easier to keep going. And that is how you run the race in order to win!

Gotta Love Cats

You know, I never realized this until I did some house-sitting for a lady in my church, but I am a cat person. I always liked cats and dogs and have owned and loved them most of my life, but after spending the night with a couple dogs for two weeks, I realized where my true devotion lies. Don’t get me wrong, I have a Welsh Corgi, Zoe, and I love watching her kick a ball around with her nose or eating a block of ice on a winter day. But when it comes down to the animal I’d rather have at my side for comfort, I choose a cat. Dogs can be so active and dependable. Zoe will keep running that ball back to me as long as I’m still there kicking it for her, or she’ll even kick it around the yard herself to show off. Sometimes that dependability is a good thing, but sometimes they just get in the way, like my mom’s poodle. That dog will get right up under your feet and then have the indecency to yip when you step on her. One of the dogs I took care of would start to bark at me if my attention went somewhere else for too long; she was not going to let me ignore her. Dogs tend to do that a lot, they whine or bark or howl, even within minutes of being left alone. Now cats, on the other hand, are much more independent. They don’t expect you to give them constant attention and may even get angry with you if you give them too much. I’m not really a touchy, feely person, so I don’t really care to sit and pet the animals for too long. I just enjoy the presence of their company.

Lollicat

            Cats can also be a great source of entertainment with their quirky ways. My cat does some pretty strange things. Sometimes, in the morning, she just zooms through the house. If I walk into my room, she gets startled or something and speeds out the door. I’ll find her on the couch and try to approach her, and whoosh, there she goes again, back to my room. She also tends to disappear at times. We’ll look everywhere twice, and all of a sudden she’ll just show up in the kitchen out of nowhere. One time, she was watching a moth in the bathroom very intently. I guess she really wanted to get a hold of that moth because all of a sudden she literally jumped about 3 feet and grabbed hold of the trim on the wall. She just hung there on the wall by her front claws for about 30 seconds, it was quite a sight to see. My cat also likes to sleep in many different positions, but her two favorite seem to be lollicat, like in the picture, and the disappearing limbs position, where all her legs and tail are tucked up under her. Her tail seems to have a mind of its own, so she usually has a paw resting on top of it to keep it still. I’ve heard stories of others who have cats with strange behaviors. My coworker has a big cat that loves to eat marshmallows. I heard about someone who hung his Christmas tree from the ceiling so his Siamese cats couldn’t get to it. One of my favorite stories was from my mentor teacher during my first year of teaching. She said she had just got home from shopping and opened up her trunk to unload groceries. She came back to grab a second load, and found one of her bags split open, with a giant chunk missing from her loaf of bread, and her cat sitting next to it in the trunk. She swears that cat gave her a look of defiance as if it was her fault for not bringing home any treats.

            Cats can be comforting, too. Not my cat, she bites if you pet her anywhere but on her neck. But, my family’s new kitten likes to snuggle up. He just plops right in your lap, almost like a dog, but without the panting and licking. I had a cat in Arizona who was very sweet. She would rub up against me and purr if I was crying, or even when I made a sound like crying. She knew how to make me feel better. For all you dog-lovers, I know dogs can be comforting, too. I do have some great stories of some lovable and very smart dogs; I guess I’ll just have to do another blog about dogs sometime. But, for now, I’ll stick with the kitties :)

            I know this entry is already pretty long, but I thought you might enjoy this Christmas poem that my brother wrote. (By the way, if you would like me to include any writings in my blog, you are welcome to send me a message, or you can add your own thoughts in the comments on here or facebook. It might be fun to share and interact with other people’s writings.) Anyway, here’s the poem:

There’s a kitten in the Christmas tree

and the fire’s going blissfully--------

Snowflakes tickle the roof

I thought I saw the other kitty

But it must have vanished-poof

Probably stole an ornament or two.

Sugar cookies start to brown

Jingle Bells plays with that tingly sound

Flashing lights cast pretty hues

on a manger scene--------------

I tie my shoes

And prepare for snow-outside I go.

Crunch, crunch-the snow sounds great

To build a snowman is my fate

I roll a snowball real fat

and notice icicles hanging down

and I see through the window-that

there’s a kitten in the Christmas tree.

A Life Worth Remembering

            This has been on my mind since my church’s ladies’ retreat back in September. The theme was “A Legacy to Remember” and each of us was asked to name someone who left a legacy in our lives. Almost half of the women present, myself included, named our grandmothers. With Christmas just around the corner, I can think of no better time to celebrate the life of my mother’s mom and remember all those childhood Christmases I spent at Grandma’s house. I was only 12 years old when she died, so I was too young to notice some of her character traits. But, looking back, I can see some of those qualities that make me wish I still had her here today.

Louise Swoboda was a devoted wife. Granddaddy had a stroke before I was born, and it got to the point that Grandma could not handle taking care of him by herself, so she put him in a nursing home. Whenever I came to stay a few weeks over the summer with Grandma, she would go to the nursing home to visit Granddaddy at lunchtime, every single day. I would sit in the floor and play with Polly Pockets or explore the corridors with the nurses. Sometimes she would bake cookies for him and his roommate. I remember one time that my cousin, Susan, and I got into an argument over who would give the cookies to Granddaddy and who got stuck with the stranger. When it came to Thanksgiving or Christmas, Grandma would take Granddaddy home to celebrate with the family. I remember he slept in his old chair most of the day, but now I know that those were probably some of their favorite days, spending time at home together. Granddaddy died in July of 1996, and Grandma died a few months later. She was so devoted to her husband that she didn’t want to live without him.

Louise Swoboda cared about people. She was very giving, not only with gifts, but with her time. I got an extra aunt because my Grandma took her in as an “adopted” daughter. Mary loved Grandma as her own mother because of the care and time that she gave Mary’s family. I have almost as many memories with my “adopted” aunt as I do with my real aunt. I asked my mom about my grandma, and I found out Mary wasn’t the first. Grandma had a heart for teens and young women. She would invite them in her home and provide them with a meal and Godly counsel. I remember getting to know the small town of Globe, Arizona pretty well. Whenever I stayed with her, she would always be visiting someone. She liked to play dominoes with some ladies her age, she visited the homes of her pastor and his wife and their grown children, and she would even visit with and get to know some of the other residents in the nursing home. At home, she kept herself busy with phone calls, writing letters, baking, and caring for grandchildren. And she didn’t keep these traits to herself; she passed them on to those she came in contact with. She taught me and Susan how to decorate Christmas cookies, and more importantly, how to share with others and that giving is much better than receiving.

Louise Swoboda was a faithful servant, and her life is an example of her love for others. She was truly the matriarch who held our family together. Maybe she didn’t do everything perfect, but her love for God allowed her to become a great woman, at least in the eyes of those whose lives she touched. This will be my 15^th Christmas without her, but I hope that her legacy will live on in my life.

With love to Grandma Louise (Ryan) Swoboda, you are and shall continue to be greatly missed. One day we will meet again in Heaven. Thanks for the treasured memories here on Earth.